the occidental tourist

Blue suede shoes in the age of innocence

2012-01-27T11:45:00.002+11:00

Photo: Alex Ellinghausen

Julia gets rushed by the mob, and is swept up in the arms of her bodyguard on the most patriotic day of Australia's calendar. Lookit them. *sigh* It's all so Whitney and Kevin Costner, isn't it?

It was quite a shock to see the footage of our Prime Minister bundled ungraciously into her waiting car as protesters stormed her on Australia Day. The poor woman was of course wearing a skirt, but instinct led and she managed to keep her knees together as she was stuffed into the car's back seat.

But I love how what would have been an incredibly unnerving experience for the PM means just one thing here in sunny Australia: let's talk fashion!

Photo: Alex Ellinghausen

The lead photo on Fairfax's website at this moment is of an activist brandishing his trophy, our Cindarella PM's shoe, lost in the scuffle. The accompanying piece by the fashion editor on Joolia's choice of footwear just shows how unruffled we are by her dramatic escape from an angry crowd.

While other countries fret about assassination attempts on their heads of state, we see it as a chance to pass comment on her sensible (if blue suede) shoes. The innocence of a young nation.

Right wavelength: Heron Island

2012-01-27T11:15:00.004+11:00

Turtles viewed from the island's quasi-submarine

"INFANTS are just hand luggage," a travel veteran told me before the arrival of a Jackson jnr. "Take them to all the posh restaurants before they can walk, and travel."

"Families should stick to holidays in Queensland and stop inflicting their kids on the rest of us during long-distance flights," sniped a chorus of online travellers. Snipers, we took your advice.

So, wary of the many evil eyes cast by business travellers on a red-eye up to Brisbane and onward to Gladstone, the first family holiday is to that bastion of family holidays, north of the border.

Heron Island is a coral cay 72kilometres off the coast of Gladstone. It's a two-hour ferry journey or, if you're flush, half an hour in a chopper.

To read more, click here

Dining high in Hong Kong

2012-01-23T15:56:00.004+11:00

The InterContinental Kowloon

IT'S ONE of the world's eternal stand-offs: Hong Kong Island versus Kowloon. The two sides of the city face each other over the gorgeous Victoria Harbour, each with its own personality - HK Island sniffs and says it's sophisticated and fun, while Kowloon's just for the tourists.

Yet Kowloon's makeover, with the glamorous international ocean terminal and Elements shopping and lifestyle complex, has sent it on an interstellar flight far from street markets and dodgy basement bars.

As Kowloon's buildings are lower than those on HK Island, this is the side to watch the nightly light show, Symphony of Lights, with laser beams shooting out from 44 of the city's skyscrapers. "It's a conversation between Kowloon and HK Island," says my friend, Hong Kong girl-about-town Rainbow.

Either way, either side, grab a seat at one of the best bars and dining rooms on high.

HONG KONG ISLAND
Looking to Kowloon

Felix restaurant and bar.

Hip to the eyeballs, Cafe Gray Deluxe is on the 49th floor of The Upper House hotel in the Admiralty district. Stop in to eat Gray Kunz's celebrated one-Michelin-star fare - ask for a corner table for the best views - then move to the bar for late-night cocktails. In fact, go straight from customs to this bar. The harbour views from the gorgeous loos are jaw-dropping.

For exciting contemporary Spanish, FoFo is a tapas bar at the back of Central. Sadly, the rooftop bar is only for private parties. But the views of HK Island's Mid-Levels from the dining room are expansive. Snack on 36-month-old Iberian ham, beef cheek cooked with banana and passionfruit, or crispy suckling pig dished up by Barcelona's Alex Martinez Fargas and married with one of FoFo's many marvellous tempranillos or the house's Sexy Sangrias. Open for almost two years, it's already a Bib Gourmand - meaning you can score a quality three-course meal for less than $HK300 ($37) - in the HK Michelin guide.

Isola, in the IFC Mall in Central, doesn't have to be a night-time gig. In fact, we'd recommend slipping into its little rooftop terrace bar for a lunchtime pizza, as Maria Sharapova has been known to do. Set right on the harbourside, it's the spot to watch the Star Ferry slosh by.

For a late-night option with the same views, head to the glass-cube G Bar (Podium Level 4, IFC Mall).
Super-chic Sevva has a "lazy type of glamour", somewhere to have your divine cake and eat it in divine surroundings presided over by HK-Australian fashion and cake maestro Bonnie Gokson. Get the elbows and knees out to bag a terrace sofa and gaze at the best of Hong Kong architecture, from the old Legislative Council to the Norman Foster-designed HSBC Building. The clientele ranges from Hong Kong tai-tais (ladies who lunch) to cigar-chewing VIPs (complete with bodyguards). An arty party set descends at sundown and Fridays are deservedly manic. Dress code: fabulous.

You wouldn't think Hotel LKF would have any decent views but the little boutique hotel set in the Mid-Levels is built up the hillside leading to the Peak. So when you ascend to Azure restaurant on the 29th and 30th floors, you'll also find the swankiest, most secretive little bar with the worst name - Slash. Pitched at the indie-design set, it doles out cocktails until 1am most nights and 3am on Thursdays to Saturdays, with a daily three-hour happy hour from 5.30pm.

ToTT's is on the 34th floor of the four-star business hotel The Excelsior, in Causeway Bay.
It's easy on the wallet, with cocktails below $HK90, but uneasy positioning means it's not the best place for the Symphony of Lights. However, the revamped rooftop bar is the place for a post-shopping restorative bevvy - the hotel is just minutes from the late-closing Causeway Bay shops. Ask for the Moonlight Lychee Blossom, mixing Aviation gin from Oregon in the US with rose water, green lychee liquor and brut sparkling wine.

The Harbour Grand is breaking new ground in the eastern HK Island locale North Point. The five-star hotel's cheesily named Le 188° indicates just how far the views span, encompassing both harbour entrances. BBQ in the Sky starts in September, with seafood barbecues every weekend until 1am. The best way to get there is via Exit A of the Fortress Hill MTR station.

Wooloomooloo is best known for its steakhouses but the Wan Chai branch includes a chic rooftop 32 floors high, plus 360-degree views. You can just about stretch out and touch the Peak up above. The meat here is 120-day Australian Black Angus, with set lunches from $HK138. Beloved by meat lovers and naughty Hong Kong ladies whose husbands don't like heights.

M bar at the Mandarin Oriental does dark and moody to a T. Renovated last year, the 25th-floor bar whispers the secrets of molecular cocktails but the staff still remember how to do a good old-fashioned one. Hot tips: wrap your lips around a Hong Kong Legend, a mix of vodka, lychee liqueur and kuei hua chen chiew, a Chinese wine that's almost a health drink, dammit. We also love the elegance of the Earl Grey Mar-tea-ni (geddit?). And if you're hunting for a HK banker, this is definitely the place to prowl.

Of course, there's a pool at the Grand Hyatt's open-air Waterfall Bar, a teensy 36-seater in the heart of Wan Chai, by the convention centre. Cuban-cigar lovers will relish the alfresco puffing and city views and the rack of booze is as smart as the dress code (which reads "smart", not "smart casual").

KOWLOON
Looking to Hong Kong Island
"Hong Kong Island's skyline at night yanks New York's shorts down and whups its butt, hard," say the saucy scribblers of Luxe Guides.

The biggest news on the Kowloon side of town is the opening of the Ritz-Carlton and its OZONE bar on the 118th floor, which it claims is the highest bar in the world. You can eat and dance here and, of course, there's a signature cocktail, the Senses, which blends Hennessy VSOP with vanilla syrup and blackberries.

There are no reservations, so get in early to grab a prime table by the windows. Without a swanky name, the Lobby Lounge at the Intercontinental could be dismissed as another dreary hotel bar but it's not. And Kowlooners agree it has the best views of the light show. This great HK staple is also blessed with a gorgeous Mariage Freres afternoon tea, jazz at 6pm and crooners at 9pm. The drinks to drink are the Nine Dragon cocktails (all $HK120), ranging from the Dragontini (kuei hau chen and Jagermeister) to the non-alcoholic Green Dragon.

We suggest you wear white when you visit Aqua Spirit so your friends can see you in the sultry darkness. Key spots are the glam curtained alcoves and the drink de jour is the Aquatini, which swirls Ketel One Dutch vodka, Chambord, lychee liqueur and, because it's Hong Kong, gold leaves. Otherwise, order a One Peking, which blends jasmine tea, peach schnapps, saffron and elderflower cordial.

Felix is the restaurant atop Tsim Sha Tsui's iconic Peninsula Hong Kong and atop the restaurant is a little bar designed by Mr Fabulous, Philippe Starck. Take your drink to the window and look across to Victoria Peak, HK Island and down on Victoria Harbour. Otherwise, men can head to the glass urinals to wow while they wizz. Avoid if your wallet is dieting: this is one to visit if you're hell-bent on impressing.

There are plenty of bars we haven't got to yet: RED bar and Barcepage wine terrace on HK Island; Living Room in Kowloon's W Hotel; the Sheraton's Sky Lounge in Tsim Sha Tsui ...

We'll leave you to it.

Address book

Aqua, 30/F, 1 Peking Rd,
Tsim Sha Tsui, +852 3427 2288, aqua.com.hk.
Cafe Gray Deluxe, Upper House, Pacific Place, 88 Queensway, upperhouse.com.
Felix, The Peninsula Hong Kong, Salisbury Rd, Tsim Sha Tsui, 2315 3188, peninsula.com.
FoFo, 20/F, M88 Building, 2-8 Wellington St, Central, 2900 2009, fofo.hk.
Harbour Grand Hong Kong, 23 Oil St, North Point, 2121 2688, www.harbour-grand.com.
Isola, Level 3, IFC Mall, Central, 2383 8765, isolabarandgrill.com.
Hotel LKF, 33 Wyndham St, Lan Kwai Fong, Central, 3518 9688, hotel-LKF.com.hk.
M bar, Mandarin Oriental, 5 Connaught Rd,
Central, 2522 0111, mandarinoriental.com.
Lobby Bar, Intercontinental Hotel, 18 Salisbury Rd,
Tsim Sha Tsui, 2721 1211, intercontinental.com.
OZONE, ICC, 1 Austin Road West, Kowloon, 2263 2263, ritzcarlton.com.
Sevva, 25/F, Prince's Building, 10 Chater Rd, Central, 2537 1388, sevva.hk.
ToTT's, The Excelsior, 281 Gloucester Rd,
Causeway Bay, 2894 8888, mandarinoriental.com.
Waterfall Bar, Grand Hyatt, 1 Harbour Rd, Central, 2588 1234, hongkong.grand.hyatt.com.
Wooloomooloo, 31/F & Rooftop, 256 Hennessy Rd, Wan Chai, 2893 6960, wooloo-mooloo.com.

Well I'll be burgered. Shopping Australia Day

2012-01-17T09:34:00.000+11:00

It's that time again when we celebrate sunburn, sand in your swimmers and all things beetroot.

Yes I know most of you are still reeling from Christmas and New Year's, and the first hot cross buns have already appeared in the supermarkets in preparation for Easter, which doesn't appear till 8 April.

But in between, we still have Australia Day, on 26 January. I remember an Irish colleague marvelling at his first Australia Day barbie in rainy, wintery Dublin. "We had beetroot burgers!" he reported back to the rest of the Dublin newsroom, eyes wide with astonishment. Oh, the culinary heights. Australian theme bars the world over (most notably London's notorious Walkabout pubs) break out the Men at Work and Ganggagang records and the cricket and tennis are on.

This year, the Aussie Day theme seems to have gone into overdrive in the homeland. Building on the 2011 Christmas must-have decoration, reindeer antlers for your car, you can now replace them with car-safe Aussie flags. Forget that American 'respect for the flag' thing, our flag also appears on paper plates and serviettes, swimmers and dresses, tins of beetroot, inflatable thongs, singlets, and of course, eskies and beer coolers.


Hot, or what?

You can buy raw burgers moulded in the shape of Australia (yes, Tassie is attached), or savoury biscuits in Aussie bbq meat lovers flavour. Lamingtons, those all-Australian cakes, are on special, as are ANZAC biscuits and flag-emblazoned Nutri-Grain (IronMan food).

I nearly gave the award of most useless Australia Day object to the disposable nappies emblazoned with our Union Jack and stars, but the winner is... an Australian Flag car mirror sock, free when you buy slabs of beer from a leading supermarket. Yes, car mirror socks - you know, a sock for your car's side mirror. Total must-have.

Have a Happy Australia Day, wherever you are.

New Year's fever

2012-01-12T21:42:00.000+11:00

I wish I could blame a fortnight-long hangover for my lack of New Year's wishes, but I can't. So I won't. Please accept my belated wishes for a fantastic 2012. I hope you all found yourselves somewhere fabulous on the most overrated night of the year.

I remember semi-ruptured eardrums from an enthusiastic Chinese firecracker contingent on a back street in frozen Amsterdam, on my first year out of Australia.

Talk about a baptism of fire: it was so cold the canals had frozen over, and those canny Dutch skimmed home like swans over the ice, while the rest of us land-bound foreigners trudged cautiously back to our sticky-carpet hostel rooms along iced cobblestones. The next morning, the quiet streets were strewn with frozen bicycles, ice-cycling obviously discarded as a deeply dangerous idea at 4am.

There was the year we watched fireworks over Belfast, the New Year's Day swim in Dublin, many frightening house parties thrown by someone you'd never heard of, and the backyard bonfires of Australia (when it wasn't a total fireban). One year, we celebrated in the car somewhere behind the pyramids of Saqqara, driving from one gig to the next, to find that every single one had been closed by the police.

Each year, you think it'll be the year you have a penthouse eerie looking down over fireworks with someone who adores you, and 100 of your closest friends grooving to the DJ, then you end up potting metal ducks in a tacky carnival side-show. Or you give up at 11.30pm and pass out beneath a pile of empty plastic cider bottles. Oh, you don't?

Where's the most bizarre place you've found yourself on New Year's Eve?

Virgin's guide to Hong Kong

2011-12-29T14:09:00.000+11:00

Voyeur (Virgin Blue) inflight magazine, Dec 2011

The dense streets, the screaming neon, the waves of humankind –Hong Kong’s pulse races at fever pitch. There’s nothing staid about thiswaterfront jewel of Asia; it balances its past as a British colony with its presentas Asia’s hippest leader of the pack.

Hong Kong embraces its split personality: a Buddhist monastery sharesan island with Disneyworld, stately homes bunker down with Chinese chophouses,and streets named after old Scottish towns and even older Chinese geographicfeatures. Old-world prestige and maintaining ‘face’ collide with killer carsand killer heels: it’s old school versus 2 kool 4 skool.

Hong Kong’s also got a taste for the dramatic: world’s highest bar,longest covered escalator, most outrageous real estate prices, stupendous bonuses.It’s got glitz and polish, where nightclubs are open till noon, yet you’llstill find the locals poking through street markets or traditional Chinese medicineshops and comparing bargains while queuing at their favourite noodle maker.

To read more about fabulous Hong Kong, click here

Season's greetings!

2011-12-27T13:09:00.000+11:00

Belated Christmas greetings for those of you who celebrated on 25 December and hey, for once I'm early for those celebrating on 7 January!

Wishing you all the best for 2012, from me and the one who makes my posts late, and my heart sing.

New spring for a Hepburn staple

2011-12-19T11:17:00.001+11:00

THE rain jacket is Prada, the wellies are limited-edition Hunter. We must be in Daylesford. If I were enacting the vivid dreams of my beautiful life, I would leap in my convertible and motor to Hepburn Springs. But the reality is, it's raining and my car has a hard roof. However, the destination is still the same — Hepburn's newly renovated Peppers Mineral Springs Retreat.

Click here to read more.

Cheap and full of cheer

2011-12-19T11:12:00.000+11:00

Rejoice, oh disorganised work slaves! Bargains still abound for those who don't book their summer holidays a year ahead.

Everything about Malaysia screams "bargain" and it's all done so nicely. Getting to Kuala Lumpur is cheap, thanks to respectable Malaysian budget airline AirAsia, and the shopping is fabulous, with Chrissy sales making it even better (psst, and heaps cheaper than Singapore). You can snap up a city five-star hotel for as little as $100 a night but for a cheap, authentic experience, try a home stay in a kampong (village) house with a local family, eating home cooking and experiencing the culture. The government-monitored initiative costs from $27 a day. In January, the holiday islands of Penang and Langkawi are starting to dry out from their November deluge but new hotels are keeping the competition fierce - check out the new Four Points by Sheraton on Langkawi and Penang's new Hard Rock Hotel.
airasia.com, go2homestay.com, tourismmalaysia.com.au.

Others on the budget radar include Singapore, Tahiti, Hawai'i, Cambodia, New Zealand and our own Cairns is on sale, too.

Click here to read more.

At least 17 journalists assaulted during Egypt clashes

2011-11-23T15:51:00.001+11:00

While we watch the renewed riots in Egypt with horror, I wanted to publish this statement from the Committee to Protect Journalists. We journalists are not particularly special, and I know that plenty of freelancers will head into the area to make their name in conflict journalism, but the general disregard for life, from the little online footage I've seen, is sickening. The CPJ published similar statements during the February revolution, though the best-known case will be the assault on the US female journalist, Lara Logan.

New York, November 21, 2011 - Clashesbetween security forces and protesters in Cairo and other Egyptian cities have led to at least 17 assaultson the press over the past couple of days, including a shooting, detentions,and a beating by unidentified security personnel while in custody. TheCommittee to Protect Journalists condemns the attacks and calls on authoritiesto bring them to an immediate end.

Since Saturday, Cairo's Tahrir Square has beenoccupied by protesters demanding an end to military rule. They were met bysecurity forces firing live and rubber ammunition, deploying tear gas bombs,and assaulting scores of people, according to news reports. As of Monday, at least 33 peoplehad been killed and thousands injured as a result of the clashes, several newsoutlets reported.

Today, Maher Iskandar, aphotographer for the daily Youm7, was shot in the left leg while filmingclashes in Tahrir Square, the daily reported. Iskandar was taken to a field hospitalin close proximity to the central Cairo square.

Military and police unitsattacked at least 10 journalists in and around Tahrir Square on Sunday, Karem Mahmoud, secretary-general of Egypt's press syndicate, told CPJ. The journalists include:Rasha Azab, editor for the independent Al-Fagr; Omar al-Zohairi andMotaz Zaki, both photographers for the independent daily Al-Tahrir;Mahmoud al-Hefnaoui, editor for Youm7; Mohamed Kamel, an editor for theindependent daily Al-Masry al-Youm and Adanob Emad, Tarek Wageeh, andAhmed Abd al-Fattah, all photographers for the same independent daily; AmrGamal, an editor for the website Al-Hurriya wa Al-Adala, a nascent youthgroup; and Saad Abid, a freelance photographer.

Abd al-Fattah, whosustained an eye injury, and Azab were still recovering from theirinjuries in hospital today, according to the syndicate. Gamal and Zaki weredetained for several hours, the syndicate said.

In Alexandria on Sunday, police attacked six journalists, one of whomwas taken into detention for six hours and repeatedly beaten, Mahmoud told CPJ.That reporter, Sarhan Sinara with the Lebanese daily Al-Akhbar, wasassaulted and detained by unidentified security personnel, then repeatedlybeaten with a club, Mahmoud said. Sinara is recovering from his injuries athome.

The five other journalists whowere assaulted and suffered injuries in Alexandria on Sunday are: Ahmed Tarek,an editor for the official Middle East News Agency; Ahmed Ramadan, aphotographer for Al-Tahrir; Mohamed Fuad and Essam Amer, Alexandriaoffice director and editor, respectively, for Al-Shorouk; and RafiMohamed Shakir, a photographer for Al-Shorouk, the syndicate told CPJand said in a statement released today.

The six journalists attacked in Alexandria submitted a formal complaint today to prosecutors accusingthe chief of the Alexandria Security Directorate of being responsible for thephysical assaults, local media reported. The complaint says that Sinara wasrepeatedly beaten before and after he brandished his credentials and identifiedhimself as a journalist. He was also prevented from taking medication for theduration of his time in custody, the reports said.

The military leadership hasoffered no explanation regarding the attacks on journalists.

Cairns pulls at the heartstrings

2011-11-18T22:59:00.001+11:00

Cairns lagoon. Skin cancer central, but does have some shade!

On a busy corner of tropical Cairns, I could see OK Souvenirs, Koaland and Louis Vuitton. Then I got trampled by a Japanese tourist group. A woman outside my hotel window smoked rolled cigarettes and spat tobacco and invectives at passers-by, the hotel concierge went AWOL while I was trying to haul baby, pram and bags up the front stairs, and it was hot, humid and heavy. Cairns, I was quite prepared to hate you.

But the next morning, I'd softened. The concierge had materialised at the Cairns Hilton, which has just had a $6 million renovation. The streets were full of cute open-air cafes and restaurants and locals and travellers were splashing happily in the lagoon, a clear water pool in the middle of town. I liked the notices pinned telling you where to take baby flying foxes that have fallen out of the trees above, and the primal squeak of a hundred furry little bodies hanging from the branches like over-excited black fruit.

Flying foxes, just hanging out in Cairns.

Then, there was the discovery that the Hanuman restaurant in the Hilton is of the same family as the legendary Darwin Hanuman, and I was unnaturally thrilled to learn they even do bento, basically upmarket take-away, comprising two perfect curries, rice and some rather exciting pickles.

Pulling out of the harbour on a boat turned toward Fitzroy Island, I could smell the massaman curry and jasmine rice, and the prospect of enjoying it on a tropical island seemed pretty damned good. Cairns, welcome back into the heart.

Tropical island eats

2011-11-13T23:14:00.001+11:00

It’s just on lunchtime and Cheong Liew is wandering the seashore, hunting for oysters for my dinner. Oh yeah, baby, we’ve landed inparadise on earth.

Orpheus Islandis a hilly dot in the Palm Islands group, 80km off the coast of Townsville.Lashed by cyclonic winds last year, the resort recently reopened, and if itplays its cards right, will be one of those hideaways where sneaky celebs haveno need for wearing wigs or 80s fashion.

It’s not like there are many crowds.

Orpheusused to be described as exclusive, taking just 24 lucky guests. While it’sstill being repaired after Cyclone Yasi whipped the roofs off half theaccommodation, the resort can take just 16 guests. That makes us even morespecial.

The onlyway to the resort is chopper, or sea plane if you’re a bigger group. It’s just30 minutes from Townsville in the little four-seater eggbeater, and we skimover uninhabited islands, little atolls, a former leper colony and Palm Island,with a local population of 2000-3000 indigenous people.

The islandwas bought by a Melbourne businessman who also lured Cheong away from Adelaideto ramp up the menus at the Botanical, in South Yarra, where Arie has alsoworked. That same businessman also managed to spirit the pair away for a stinton the island, which is still being repaired and renovated. So it it is my absolutegreat fortune to be one of just five guests (including my wunderkind), on theisland for the past two days. How do you go back to normal life after this?

On the road to Orpheus

2011-11-09T11:54:00.002+11:00

Townsville airport is full of huge men with huge arms cloaked in huge tatts.

Some are drinking stubbies of Bundy rum and coke, and it's just gone 9.30am. The departures board is full of places you don't really slap on your holiday list: Cloncurry, Mount Isa, and lots of private mines. There's a huge ad on the wall declaring "You don't need to dig deep to find the perfect job": the mining industry is doing well here.

Our destination couldn't be further from a coal-cut mine. We're just waiting for the seaplane to finish refuelling and we're off to Orpheus Island. Let's go!

Grey is the new brown: Colours of 2011

2011-11-09T11:43:00.001+11:00

Grey is the new brown.

Wearing my somewhat neglected interior-decorating hat, I received some notes about how we used colour in 2011. Yes, it's the beginning of that publishing trend to look back over the past year. I quite like these round-ups: books we loved, movies we watched, political and social highlights... just in case I missed something.

Dulux sent through its tips for colours in the home, and this is what they said:

Grey is the new brown. Seven of its top 10 colours are deep, dark browns.
Neutrals are cooler, with grey undertones, rather than warm or brown-based neutrals.
Blue is still hot, but with a grey base: think duck-egg or ocean blues.
And berry colours - fuchsia, indigo and purples - are still hot favourites in 2012, bearing in mind Pantone's colour of 2011 was Honeysuckle, which it describes as a 'dynamic reddish pink...that elevates our psyche beyond escape."

Antique White USA (pic credit: Dulux

Their top colours for 2011 were: Namadji (a dark grey)
Red Box (hmmm, I painted a wall in this lush red, 8 years ago)
Woodland Grey (grey)
Domino (grey)
Malay Grey (grey)
Western Myall
Sea Elephant (sooo grey)
Jarrah
Ticking (yep, grey)

All this lovely (greyed-out) colour. But it's all still a white-wash.

The top neutrals were dominated by the investor-renovator's delight, Hog Bristle in full, half and quarter strength, but the number one white was that old fave, Antique White USA, which all you out there in decorator-magazine-land will be more than au fait with, given its dominance for the past decade.

It reminds me of a story I was told when I first moved into interiors magazines. A girl leaving the industry said she had to go because she had run out of ways to say 'white'.

2011-11-02T14:51:00.001+11:00

Salalah, Oman

We love a 'top 10' and the Lonely Planet's top 10 cities is always good for a spot of cultural biffo.

I'm going to be a snob and say up front that London is a rather ho-hum choice for the number one city to visit out of all the world, and Orlando in the US leaves us cold, but hey, Australia's always got Darwin. Yes, Darwin. Land of jumping crocodiles and topless barmaids. Sorrrrryyyy, that's SUCH an awful picture of Darwin. We like our most northern capital.

Happy to see the entire Middle East hasn't been written off, and we're big fans of Oman and Hong Kong is perpetually fabulous. Of course, the game is to see how many you've already ticked off before the Lonely Planet got there...

Here's the list in its entirety:
1. London, UK
2. Muscat, Oman
3. Bengaluru (Bangalore), India
4. Cadiz, Spain
5. Stockholm, Sweden,
6. Guimaraes, Portugal
7. Santiago, Chile
8. Hong Kong
9. Orlando, USA
10. Darwin Australia.

In the top 10 countries, Uganda is the 'too cool for school' number 1, with Taiwan and gorgeous Jordan in there. Ukraine? Horses for courses, man, and Cuba's still a goer while the Castros remain in power, with the ever-powerful tagline, 'go before it changes irrevocably'.

The top 10 regions include coastal Wales, La Ruta Maya (central America), northern Kenya, Arunachal Pradesh (India), Hvar (Croatia), Sicily (Italy), Maritime Provinces (Canada), Queenstown and southern lakes (New Zealand), Borneo and Poitou-Charentes (France).

Here's booking with you, kid

2011-10-30T12:00:00.000+11:00

Yasmine and her meimei (nanny) Litiana.

FIJI'S air is humid and temperatures a good 20 degrees higher than the home I left five hours ago and I'm ferreting through a daypack for passports, five-month-old Yasmine on the arm. I plonk her on a nearby desk for a hands-free moment.

"Madam!" barks an official-sounding woman. "You need Special Attention!"

She claps her hands and, like a summoned genie, a young man appears at my side, grabs our passports and runs past the queue of two planeloads of newly arrived Australian holidaymakers. Within minutes, we are bustled through customs, our luggage retrieved, the driver has collected us and we are bundled up in a cool van, turned towards the southern Coral Coast and our resort.

It is the ultimate queue-jump and a delicious taste of travelling in Fiji with a baby. The omens are good.

Click here to read more.

2011-10-29T14:59:00.000+11:00

Luke, Luke, Luke. It's all about you. Even before you waltzed up to my table last night in the new Hilton on the Gold Coast, in your chef's whites advertising airlines and restaurants, it was all about you.

I thoroughly enjoyed (and how often can you say this of cheap airline food) the tortilla with roast beef, vintage cheese and mesclun leaves as we flew up from Melbourne to the Gold Coast. There was the branding: Food by Luke Mangan. It was a deliciously far cry from your beef pie I ate with the same airline enroute to Fiji recently. Luke, leave rustic alone, please. It was so rustic, it comprised three enormous chunks of cow, so big that the wibbly plastic airline knife had no impact on it, leaving a plane of diners chewing like the animal they were consuming.

Then, last night, as we tossed over the difference between striploin, fillet and tenderloin, you schmoozed the room, smiling and shaking hands like the best-trained celebrity chef. Your name was on every plate that was laid on our table (and let me admit, there were many plates laid on our table).

Oh, how we ate. We ate the kingfish sashimi, with the most divine crust of ginger, eschallot and Persian feta. We at chargrilled quail on shredded zuchinni studded with pine nuts and currants. We at the tenderloin, we at the striploin. God help us, we went back for desert: chocolate three ways (which does sound a bit pervy) and a strip of sunshine-orange cheesecake.

I need to lie down. I need to run a marathon, or whatever the people of the Gold Coast do each morning. I need restraint, I need to avoid you, Luke.

Melbourne turns pink for Queen

2011-10-26T23:10:00.000+11:00

The crowd in front of Flinders St Station

Today, I put my republican hat aside and went to visit the Queen. Well, technically, that's not true. She came to visit me.

She was due at Fed Square at 12.15, and, being the queen and all, you'd expect her to be on time. Not so. Even though she had just four hours in the city before nicking off to Perth, she dallied and the crowd spent an hour mooching around the intersection in front of Flinders St Station. It was curiously silent as everyone waited to catch a glimpse of Liz II.

The crowd around me was mostly Chinese tourists and office workers who'd stepped out to do something different in their lunchhour.

Melbourne turned on the sunshine, so all the whiteys turned a gentle pink by the time she turned up. Me, I blame Melbourne trams. They never can run on time. Not even for the queen. If you weren't aware, the Queen was travelling one leg on a new Royal Tram (or its decoy), complete with the usual vomitous-green seat upholstery that really should be burned.

I can confidently report that the Queen is On Trend. Her shocking pink ensemble was the dictionary definition of colour blocking, which is of course so hot right now. She certainly was the brightest note in a sea of Melbourne black, matching beautifully the newly sunburnt bald heads around me.

"I just saw her!" shrieked a British office worker behind me. "I saw someone wearing pink!" The crowd got collective whiplash following her pointing finger.

We watched as car after car was laden with flowers and teddy bears, then realised we were on the wrong side of the intersection, though nobody really knew quite where she was going to appear. She could have dropped in from the helicopters circling above, for all we knew.

The Queen did pay for her tram ride (with a pre-paid card, so she didn't have to buggerise around looking for coins). Obviously she's heard about the crackdown on fare evaders. The question of the day is: was the crowd bigger than the crowd that turned out to greet the two rival football teams in the grand final a few weeks ago?

The running joke of this royal visit is that the Queen didn't feel the need to visit Sydney: there are enough queens there already.

More icing on the cake: Daylesford

2011-10-22T19:20:00.000+11:00

Australia's premier spa town just keeps getting better - and tastier. Discovers what's new in Daylesford.

"PLEASE, no mobile phones," requests the Lake House's restaurant menu. And, "Please, no thongs." Oh, only because you ask so nicely, I won't wear my thongs into your two-hatted restaurant for the first showing of its spring table.

They like to keep themselves nice in Daylesford.

Click here to read more/

Eat to ease East Africa's famine

2011-09-23T13:30:00.001+10:00

Sunday 16 October is World Food Day, and Oxfam is holding Shout the Horn to raise funds for its East Africa food crisis appeal.

Close to 12 million people in the Horn of Africa are currently facing desperate food shortages following the worst drought in 60 years. Oxfam aims to reach 3.5 million people with life-saving water, food and basic sanitation when people eat out at a participating restaurant.

If you work in a restaurant and cafe, could your place becoming a participating partner? The simple act of collecting donations on 16 October will make a difference to the lives of millions.

Full event details, including a list of participating venues and registration info can be found on Oxfam's website. Please forward this to anyone who might be interested!

Find a participating restaurant near you - Oxfam will be updating the website daily until the event, so you can eat to ease East Africa's famine.

My Chinese is a bit shabby, so I can't give full attribution for this photo, but it pretty much says it all.

Notes from the back of a Daylesford wine bottle

2011-09-17T23:06:00.000+10:00

Good Catholic Girl 'Teresa' Riesling 2010, Clare Valley:

'St Teresa of Avila b. 1515 (patron of headache sufferers) is said to have been viewed levitating during deep prayer. My mother Teresa, prays, but to this point has not achieved levitation. The consumption of Clare Riesling over many decades has not caused her to levitate either. Could this dry crisp Riesling be the one?

Grapes grown by good catholic boys Faulkner and Pearson of Penworthham and Marsson of Watervale. Blessed with 600 dozen. Julie Ann Barry, Maker. www.goodcatholicgirl.com.au"

This excellent young Riesling was sitting perkily in the fridge of Monastiraki (Greek: 'little monastery), the latest offering from Tina Banitski, the artist and mastermindof The Convent, in Daylesford.

The forbidding former Catholic nunnery and school is now a cheeky art gallery, as well as Bad Habits cafe and the Altar bar (because the bar contains a chunk of the original altar in it, as well as the tabernacle).

Tina has also recently renovated a nearby house, stuffing it with work from her favourite artists, curios and wine to create Monastiraki, the perfect getaway for a bunch of friends or family.

People, it is officially Out There, from the paint-splattered mannequins hanging from the coat hooks to the scarlet or lime green bedroom walls, the fabulously wild artworks, cushion-tastic daybeds and buttock sculptures, essential, of course, for any self-respecting boudoir.

Spring in the city: good reasons to visit Melbourne

2011-09-14T21:23:00.000+10:00

Newmarket Hotel.

Today, I was led astray, into the fabulous Melbourne Middle Eastern restaurant Maha. Little did I know that they are happy to serve up coffee to passers by, and to dish up the most divine donuts that ever wobbled on the face of the earth. They're not even on the menu, they're that good.

As we were mainlining the dough balls, crushed pistachios and white chocolate spill (a serve consists of five donuts - five - when inevitably two people are sharing?), I was reminded that Taste of Melbourne starts tomorrow. No time to crash diet before cruising the halls of the Royal Exhibition Building to taste dishes from some of the city's top restaurants.

There are eight great reasons to visit Melbourne at the moment:
Fringe Festival September 21 — October 9
Melbourne Festival October 6-22
Art deco walking tours
Madonna & Child by Correggio
The Art of Brick LEGO exhibition, until October 9
New bars
Food meets design
and Taste of Melbourne September 15-18

Click here to read more.

Saturday night in Daylesford

2011-09-13T15:14:00.002+10:00

On Saturday night, Iwas in Kazuki, the newest restaurant in delicious Daylesford, about 90 minutesnorth of Melbourne. Daylesford is, of course, hip to the eyeballs. Only apopulation of 7000 people, yet it has art galleries, cafes, restaurants andbeautiful villas wriggling out of every pore.

Kazuki is a Japaneserestaurant on up and coming Howe St, and while I was snacking on tiny plates ofsmoked eel ravioli and Japanese mushroom and celery soup, I looked across atthe next table, to see a couple enjoying a romantic evening: the wine, thefood, the view of the darkened street. The only odd note was that they were both about 20. Was I socomposed that at 20, I was taking dates out to swanky restaurants full ofingredients I couldn’t pronounce? I can quite safely admit that no, I was fartoo busy skulking around looking for low-budget entertainment in band pubs,existing on a diet of unflavoured boiled rice, to even contemplate suchrefinement.

“These kids ofDaylesford,” I thought, “they’re in a class of their own.”

Mind you, severalhours later into the evening, a band of the buggers ripped the two wing mirrorsoff my daggy old, hardworking car. They’re not so bloody different, after all.

Poor Ned, it’s hard to get a head

2011-09-02T20:46:00.000+10:00

Death mask of Ned Kelly.

Police killer or a true, blue Aussie? Bushranger Ned Kellyis back in the news, 130 years after he was hung till dead in Old MelbourneGaol.

For the foreigners in the crowd, Our Ned had a penchant forholding up banks, but was forced to go on the run after killing one or three policeofficers during raids.

Ned, whose dad, Red Kelly, came from Moyglass in CoTipperary, was hanged in Melbourne in 1880, but his remains, along with thoseof 134 other prisoners, were later moved to Pentridge Prison, in the Melbournesuburb of Coburg. Prison officers had poured lime over the remains,unintentionally preserving them so that 130 years later, the DNA from Ned’ssister’s great-grandson could identify that the bones were, in fact, theinfamous bushranger’s.

Mick Jagger does Ned.

Ned’s skull was stolen in 1978, but when it was returned,recent comparisons between the skull and his death mask, modelled on his facewhile his dead body was cooling, have showed it’s not Kelly’s cranium, but ispossibly the skull of notorious British murderer Fred Deeming.

It’s a rough trot for a bloke, to have his bones cartedaround in the public gaze nearly a century and a half later. And now, the Kellyfamily and government bodies are beginning the wrangle over where those bones, itwill be a while till he’s finally laid to rest. But where? In a tacky touristtrap or displayed tastefully in a museum, alongside his death mask? Either way,his skull is still missing. To use Ned’s last words, “Such is life.”

A different direction: Lovin' Lorne

2011-08-16T14:55:00.000+10:00

My drive from Melbourne to Lorne, on the Victorian coastline, is not quite Hunter S. Thompson's iconic road journey, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, where he packs his attorney, two bags of grass, mescaline, acid and a salt shaker half full of cocaine: I'm packin' my mum, some nice nectarines and a swimsuit in the hope that the water in Lorne's Loutit Bay, aka Bass Strait, isn't going to freeze my blood.

Click here to read more.

Where good looks count: Clear Mountain Lodge, Brisbane

2011-08-10T23:05:00.000+10:00

Here's a little tale about a lodge on Brisbane's far northern fringe, near Samford. So I played down the arguments about the GPS, but it truly was a grim, bleak drive up to the lodge. Well worth it, really.

IT IS a cold and windy night, the night we head to Clear Mountain Lodge, a small hotel about 35 minutes' drive north of the Brisbane city centre.

The lodge is, unsurprisingly, at the top of lonely Clear Mountain, in Brisbane's little-known hinterland. In the dark of night, having been unceremoniously stranded in Queensland thanks to Chilean volcanic ash clouds, the lodge could be on the moon, for all I can see.

Thank goodness for the GPS, the neo-tech husband says. I'll switch off my Walkman so I can hear you call me antediluvian but I just don't trust them. So we argue all the way to Clear Mountain, before calling the hotel to check its location.

"Just drive to the top of the hill. You can't miss it," the receptionist says. "Don't follow the GPS and go on Old School Road. It'll send you down a four-wheel-drive track through a forest." Tres Wolf Creek.

Click here to read more.

Palestine moves to north Melbourne

2011-08-09T12:21:00.000+10:00

Snapped in Brunswick/Coburg, the Arab-tastic northern suburbs of Melbourne. It was a car shot, so sorry for the quality, it reads:

"On census day, let's all say we are Palestinian!"

The census (where every person is counted in Australia) is being held tonight.

Cairo hormones high while NYC snoozes and loses

2011-08-06T13:46:00.000+10:00

Cairo thrashes New York for late-night flirting. Who'd a thought?

In case you missed it this week, online dating site Badoo found that the Egyptian capital tops the world as most nocturnal city with the latest night logons for chatting and flirting on its website.

The Sex in the City capital, New York, was caught snoozing and therefore losing, coming in at a rather poor 32nd out of the 180 cities Badoo operates in. London came in 17th and Paris 18th. The naughtiest European city was Malaga, with six Spanish cities in the top 10 hotspots.

Cairo, a city I once heard described as not so much a city that never sleeps, but a city that sleeps in shifts, sees its flirt and chat activity peak at 00.45am.

Badoo's 10 Most 24-hour cities
1. Cairo (Egypt)
2. Montevideo (Uruguay)
3. Beirut (Lebanon)
4. Malaga (Spain)
5. Zaragoza (Spain)
6. Madrid (Spain)
7. Barcelona (Spain)
8. Valencia (Spain)
9. Seville (Spain)
10. Buenos Aires (Argentina)

Upper West Side comes to Melbourne

2011-08-04T23:14:00.000+10:00

It's a sign of Australia's enduring cultural cringe that Melbourne now apparently has an Upper West Side. Thank you, New York City, for helping us find new names for our city streets.

There's always been that joke about 'the Paris end of Collins St', then there's the Greek Quarter, Chinatown and the Spanish strip of tapas bars in Fitzroy. Let's reclaim the streets: create our own Boganville, perhaps Gillard Grove, or Tonytown. Thank god for ACDC Lane, a shining light in the culturally confused wilderness.

Unfortunately, Melbourne's Upper West Side is more mongrel than Manhattan. At the moment, our homegrown UWS is a scuzzy collection of building sites in the no-man's-land around Spencer St, perilously close to the so-called gentlemen's clubs (frequented by anything but gentlemen).

You can have your own slice of paradise for $342,000 for a one-bedroom apartment. Bargain of the century. I wonder how much it'd cost in NYC?

Rest and recuperate: Singapore

2011-07-27T15:52:00.000+10:00

Seven stopover cities where you can stretch your legs and beat the humdrum of a long-haul flight

Click here to read more of this story from The Age.

Why I love Changi airport: simply because I can get my luggage trolley into the loo - a bonus for solo travellers with no mate to stand guard.

The beauty of stopping in transit in countries as tiny as Singapore is that you're smack in the city in the flutter of a fake eyelash; it's just half an hour from the airport to whatever nirvana you're looking for: theme park junkies head to Universal Studios, nostalgia buffs grab Singapore Slings at Raffles Hotel and label freaks gravitate to Orchard Road.

Want a bowl of steaming laksa? Head to Katong, where a battalion of Nonyas (Malay mammas) fight it out in a long-standing battle for the best laksa in town. There are mosques for Muslims and boutiques for Indo-fashionistas in Kampong Glam and in chaotic Little India, I watch an old fortune teller use a green parrot to pull numbers from a deck of cards. It's $S5 ($3.80) a number for a series that might win you the lottery. The parrot is working like a demon as punters stop by the little table on the footpath to try their luck.

In the waterside bar quarter of Clark Quay, tiny Singaporean princesses totter into Shanghai Dolly, a Mando-pop bar. We say: avoid if you've just staggered off a long-haul flight with shiny skin and less-than-luscious locks.

Singapore caters to all comers. And come they do, to a country masquerading as one of the world's great transit lounges, open 24/7/365.

Flight time About 8hr from Melbourne and Sydney.
Who stops over? Singapore Airlines, Qantas, British Airways, Jetstar and Emirates are among the major airlines to go there.
Taxi from airport to city Metered taxis from $S18 ($14), double from midnight to 6am plus a surcharge of $S3 to $S5. The journey takes about 30 minutes. Singapore Airlines has a free service between the airport, city centre and Sentosa Island for transit passengers, from $S6 for Singapore Airlines/SilkAir passengers and $S12 for others. See siahopon.com.
Where to stay The Crowne Plaza Changi Airport is linked to the airport terminals via walkways and people movers, from $S320. See cpchangiairport.com. The Ambassador Transit Hotel in the airport's transit lounge (therefore no need to clear immigration) sells rooms in six-hour blocks from $S76/double or has single-person rooms with shared bathrooms from $S41. See athmg.com.
Visa Not required for Australian passport holders for a stay of up to 30 days.

Click here to read more of this story from The Age.

Butter and pounds: it's all a bit rich

2011-07-19T21:14:00.002+10:00

How's that couple in the UK who won £161 million the other day? That's a whole lot of pounds. Yet they'll keep the car and the same house, but might go on a few holidays...

Just as well they were retired, as I don't buy that line that people say they'll continue to work. Yeah, right! Like I'm going to keep slogging it out for some bogan boss who can't believe I still turn up at 9am every single day.

I don't buy that line that money won't change us. Hell yes. Change me, baby. Change me. Bring on the vintage champagne and pool boy, I say. Sort of like that Imperial Leather ad doing the rounds at the moment. That's my style..

One thing I would do would be to continue to eat incessantly around Melbourne. And one place I'd continue to haunt would be Le Traiteur. People, if you haven't eaten there, go immediately. The kitchen churns out fresh baguettes and pastries twice daily, so the cafe is constantly perfumed by the smell of fresh-baked bread - that smell so beloved of real estate agents because it immediately makes us wrap our arms around our (ample) selves, and say, 'I love this place' (and, if it is an Australian house, ' I want to spend the next 30 years working to pay for it.')

Back to Le Traiteur, it's deliciously French with an Aussie twist, with gorgeous mustards, relishes, lots and lots of porky things and now I know where I'll buy my next lot of saffron from. I was willingly led there by G, who knows her onions, pates, terrines and brioches. I was uncharacteristically early, so watched the legals around me scoff the last remaining pies de jour (a sensational looking chicken and leek). Dammit, I wanted to rip the pies from their very plates. But I desisted, instead taking G's recommendation for a brioche so buttery it should carry a health warning.

The service: charming (hey, they welcomed a pram into the cafe during the lunchtime rush and owner Nick came out for a baby cuddle). The coffee: fabulous. Stick your nose in; trust me you won't regret it.

Le Traiteur: 552 Lonsdale St, Melbourne

Season to stay or stray

2011-06-23T21:02:00.000+10:00

Where do foodies, culture mavens and adventurers go to embrace or escape the cold? To read the full story, click here

Embrace: Make like a Melburnian and don your big coat - black, naturally - for a cultural winter and no, the AFL doesn't count. The State of Design Festival from July 20-31includes Melbourne Open House, which gives you a licence to perve at 75 of the city's most beautiful and environmentally sustainable designs - free. The city's best tagging, bombing, paste-ups and stencilling are seen on street art walking tours ($69 a person, melbournestreettours.com).

Otherwise, download free DIY tours of hot and hidden street art (thatsmelbourne.com.au.) or a guide to the city's design hot spots (audiodesignmuseum.com).

The National Gallery of Victoria's new shopfront window allows passersby to watch 'zine artists do their thing from July 11-August 8, while the Gertrude Street Projection Festival transforms Fitzroy's Gertrude Street into an open-air gallery with light projections cast across the streetscape (July 22-31, thegertrudeassociation.com).

Federation Square's Atrium showcases more than 100 Victorian wines, with winemakers on hand and live jazz on Wednesdays and Thursdays from July 6-August 4 ($25, fedsquare.com/wine). For more jazz, grab a table beneath the heaters on Hardware Lane for cool tunes (Mon-Sat, from 7pm). Chill on Ice Lounge serves drinks among 30 tonnes of icy walls in its Russell Street digs until July 16, then reopens at Southbank in August with bigger ice decor.

Do your best Torvill and Dean impersonations on the ice outside at the Melbourne Museum, then work on your apres ski skills at the Winter Festival, from August 18 to September 4. Highlights include free ice skating shows, too. (winterfestival.com.au, visitvictoria.com.)

Escape
Bare all in New York's great parks for a season of festivals, concerts and hot summer nights outdoors until September. Opera buffs flock to the Metropolitan Opera's summer recital series, held from July 11-28 across the Five Boroughs - free (metopera.org/parks). Indie groovers make for the Village Voice's July 16 Four Knots Festival, headlined this year by the Black Angels (free, villagevoice.com), while jazzsters take in the Charlie Parker Jazz Festival on August 27-28, also free. It's part of the city's massive Summerstage arts festival (summerstage.org).

Shakespeare in the Park presents Measure for Measure and All's Well that Ends Well in Central Park (free, until July 30, shakespearein thepark.org) and Lower Manhattan's River to River Festival celebrates public art and music along the river's edge (free, until July 16, riverto rivernyc.com). Meantime, the Latino Cultural Festival in Queens's Flushing Meadows is the place to go for pulsing dance, theatre and music from July 25 to August 7 (queenstheatre.org, nycgo.com).

Squared up with the Third World

2011-06-11T21:05:00.001+10:00

Are you a closet knitter? Or are you loud and proud, knitting in the car, trackside at the motorbike races, at the beach?

Today, people around the world raised their knitting needles in public for the World Wide Knit in Public Day (www.kipday.com) The movement started in 2005, and last year, there were 751 knit-ins around the world on the day.

Image from Save the Children

From Amsterdam to Melbourne, knitters came out for some plein-air action, the Melbourne event contributing to the Save the Children's Born to Knit campaign, holding a knit-in where your knitted squares (apparently however dodgy) are joined up to make blankets for vulnerable children.

Now, I haven’t knitted since I was 11, and I remember being told that I had ‘tension issues’ – I think that meant that my knitting alternated from a loopy fishing net to something as tight as a duck’s bum. But I digress. What got me was the photo of a little child of the third world, eyes darkened with kohl, clutching a beautiful blanket donated by these generous spirits. It caught me right at my newly-minted mummy’s heart, along with the event’s motto, “Better living through stitching together”.

So the Child Prodigy (CP) and I wandered down to Federation Square to see what was cooking. Much of the square was dominated by a busker busting moves, and the big screen broadcasting a speech delivered by the Dalai Lama during his visit earlier this week.

The Fed Square event was organised by wool manufacturers Australian Country Spinners. The lounges and bean bags scattered around the area were filled with eager knitters, mostly pros, but I managed to snag a set of needles and coax an old hand to teach me how to cast on, then a nice Greek lady helped with the first row, another lady talked me through correcting the stitches I’d added while she dandled CP on her knee as the Dalai Lama roared about peace in the background.

Volunteers collected the finished squares which they will stitch together into blankets to send to their programs in India, Cambodia and Laos. Some women were flipping the squares out like wildfire. Me? I had tongue firmly stuck out as I battled through four rows (I have added this pic as evidence). People, I have to get 88 rows to complete the square in my chic mauve wool. I think it’s going to take a little longer than an afternoon.

If you’re knit-tastic (and I personally know some extreme knitters) but missed out on the knit-in, they are looking to create 15,000 blankets, made of 16 squares each. You can knit your square (88 rows of 44 stitches) and drop it into any Spotlight or Lincraft store, post it to 42 Dight St, Collingwood Vic 3066, or visit Save the Children

Essential guide to Dubai

2011-05-17T22:28:00.000+10:00

Tips for exploring the glitz, glamour and a dash of grunge of the UAE's star city.

Click here to read more...

Happy Easter!

2011-04-23T12:30:00.002+10:00

It is a mark of the difference between Australia's commercial TV stations and the national broadcaster that at Easter, Channel 7 is showing The Fast and the Furious 2 (muscle mary Vin Diesel does street car races) the while the far more high-brow ABC is showing the 1956 movie, The 10 Commandments.

The Cecil B De Mille number was filmed partially just outside Cairo, starring Charles Heston as Moses and Yul Brynner as a hunky Pharaoh Ramses, with an abundance of muscles and lavish use of body oil.

The TV notes describe the movie as "the monumental dramatisation of the book of Exodus, [which] recreates the life of Moses from his infancy through to his deliverance of the Israelites".Talk about big subject matter.

Anyway, Charles and Cecil stayed at the Mena House hotel, which still stands right beside the Pyramids, and Charles would ride his horse down from filming into the hotel's afternoon cocktails on the lawn, all flowing beard and robes.

With the discounts and incentives Egyptian tourism is currently offering to lure tourists back after the revolution, I reckon you'd be allowed to do a Charles and ride your pony down from the Pyramids into hotel drinkies, no worries.

PS: I now note that Channel 7 IS actually showing the same movie, only starting at 11.30pm!

Essential guide to Kuala Lumpur

2011-04-21T12:06:00.000+10:00

There's more to KL than those big towers - and what are they, anyway? You go up high, you look around, you go down...

Instead, we say hit the malls for some truly fabulous shopping, and get down and dirty on the streets of Little Inida, Chinatown, the Malay quarters...

Click here for where to shop, eat, sleep and sightsee in KL...

Hot to shop: Adelaide

2011-04-20T12:34:00.000+10:00

Adelaide Arcade pic credit: Sun Herald

For vintage fashion, antiques and contemporary design, this city is streets ahead. We're talking Adelaide. Yes, Adelaide. Canny eastern states bargain hunters are well aware of the great deals to be had in the city of churches, sex shops and hydroponic gardeners (and we're not talking tomatoes here).

And with the addition of some cool new markets and ramped-up fashion, the city could possibly be getting rid of its love-hate relationship with Sydney & Melbourne (love to run away there, hate it when others run away there...)

To read more, click here

Open-air drama in Melbourne's skies

2011-04-14T16:40:00.000+10:00

ONE of my pet hates is staying in hotel rooms where you can't open the windows. I understand, in extreme circumstances, that annoying hotel guests might muck up the aircon, say, in a Dubai summer or a Helsinki winter. But in balmy Australia?

Ok, so 'balmy' might be pushing it in autumnal Melbourne at the mo, but it was deliciously sunny the days I visited the Langham Hotel, on Southbank. To read more about the hotel and its new terrace rooms, click here.

More bang for your baht in Bangkok

2011-03-28T17:55:00.000+11:00

MBK, you big, beautiful monster, I miss you!

Someone told me recently they couldn't understand the hype about Bangkok's best budget shopping mall, but then they don't know about the fantastic little camera shop on the ground floor, Nice Face spa that will set your toes a-twinkling for a few baht up on the fifth, just near the fantastic food court and they don't know about the awesome watch I bought there a few years ago, that only just conked out, to my dismay.

Click here to read more...

Kyneton: Cool Piper calls the tune

2011-03-22T12:39:00.000+11:00

Prunella's florist on Kyneton's Piper St.

Cafes and galleries open at a rate of knots, yet there's still a tractor shop in Kyneton's hip main drag. How groovy can one town get?

IT'S a windy, rainy night, yet one street in this wee country town is buzzing with a crowd sipping sparkling wine and snacking while making dinner plans. Obviously country Victoria has changed since I last stuck my foot past Melbourne's city limits sign.

To read more, click here

Hot to shop: Noosa

2011-03-03T22:00:00.003+11:00

It's not just about the surf and sand in this Sunshine Coast town, in Queensland.

Noosa is where the beautiful people gather to frolic on Main Beach, in between coffee, drinks and dinner on the pavement or by the window of the latest new restaurant; this scene's all about being seen, especially if you're fit, fabulous and tanned deep brown.

They'll be newly-arrived Melburnians lurking in the shadows in their southerner's black rags and milk-white skin.

Don't have a kaftan/surf board to fit the smart set? Look no further it's hot to shop Noosa...

Liquid diet only at Ponyfish Island

2011-02-28T14:13:00.000+11:00

Ponyfish Island - this pic should help you find it!

In my continued (and futile) quest to stay with the pack on new Melbourne café openings, I finally got to Ponyfish Island.

The signs were good: a sunny day, the Yarra River flowing brownly past, my café companion, GG, found the place under his own steam. This is no mean feat. Try describing where Ponyfish Island is: it’s on a pylon supporting one of the footbridges that runs across the river between Flinders St Station and Southbank.

Yeah, easy.

Anyway, Ponyfish Island has actually been around for a while, but despite its amazing location in the middle of the river, it just hadn’t taken off. New owners and a liquor licence have fixed all that, and last Thursday afternoon, the place was heaving. Literally heaving, with good music and happy punters enjoying an after-work jam jar of wine (tres egalitarian, what, serving wine in a jam jar).

We’d planned to hit the island for lunch, so popped in on Friday, scoring a table by the water at 12.30pm. We ordered: GG had the gnocchi and I went simplistic with a toasted sandwich with spinach, cheese and tomato. We had plenty to talk about but when a youth wandered past with gnocchi and sandwich, we hailed him over.

No, this can’t be your order. You haven’t been waiting long enough, he told us.

Fifteen minutes for a toastie isn’t long enough? I asked.

Not in this place, he said with a little laugh, oblivious to the two journalists committing his nonchalance to memory for future blogging.

It turned out it was our order. Reader, before we ate, we played ‘spot the spinach’ (I won, espying two tiny, wilted leaves tucked in one corner of the no-name white bread offering) and GG’s gnocchi was cold.

The day was sunny, the conversation good, the food queue was long; we gave up and ate.

It may have been a fool’s errand but we also ordered coffee. I placed the order at the counter and then asked, will it be long, as we’ve got to get back to work. The barista heard us and grinned. I’m all over it, he told me. Nevertheless, ignore all the other orders and make ours first, I suggested blithely.

Two seconds later, he appeared with my flat white and GG’s double piccolo, both beautifully executed in delicious Niccolo coffee.

The moral of the story: put nothing solid, I repeat, nothing solid, in your mouth on Ponyfish Island, and treat it like the beautifully ambient bar that it is.

Open 8am till 1am.

Greetings from the world's second-most livable city

2011-02-21T21:22:00.000+11:00

We Melburnians were disgruntled on Facebook this morning: 11 degrees and raining...in February, our summer. If we'd read the newspapers before the weather report, we should have been happier, as Melbourne has been voted the second most livable city in the world, after the perpetual chart-topper, Canada's Vancouver which, incidentally, was today experiencing temperatures of just one degrees, and rain .

I like Vancouver: the food is amazing, the scenery beautiful, snowfields and ocean close by. But if I had to choose between the two, I'd still choose Melbourne. It's those extra 10 degrees. In Vancouver, joggers wear full bodysuits and having been there in December, I can tell you that Melbourne does not have snow drifts like Vancouver has snow drifts.

In the comments following this story in the Sydney Morning Herald, I note that no Sydneysider was begrudging Melbourne its position - Sydney was down in 7th place, just above two more Australian cities, lonely Perth and suburban Adelaide, in tied eighth place. That makes four of the top 10 cities as Aussie hotspots. In fact, most Sydneysiders were laughing at the idea that Sydney's such a great place to live, quoting bad health and transport systems and outrageous costs of living: true, true and true. Those blissful beaches give a lot back to the city.

It could be worse, Sydneysiders. You could be living in one of the bottom 10: say Harare, Dhaka or perhaps Port Moresby. Poor Tehran, there it is as the eighth-worst city in the world, when it actually has good food, shopping and marvellous scenery nearby.

If you're interested in the full story of the world's most livable cities, click here to read the Sydney Morning Herald's take on it all.

The Economist Intelligence Unit's top and bottom 10 cities of the world:

1. Vancouver, Canada

2. Melbourne, Australia

3. Vienna, Austria

4. Toronto, Canada

5. Calgary, Canada

6. Helsinki, Finland

7. Sydney, Australia

8. (equal) Perth, Australia

8. (equal) Adelaide, Australia

10. Auckland, New Zealand

The bottom 10 cities were:

1. Harare, Zimbabwe (worst)

2. Dhaka , Bangladesh

3. Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea

4. Lagos, Nigeria

5. Algiers , Algeria

6. Karachi, Pakistan

7. Douala, Cameroon

8. Tehran, Iran

9. Dakar, Senegal

10. Colombo, Sri Lanka

Tagging, bombing, paste-ups, can control... street art in Melbourne

2011-02-19T12:05:00.001+11:00

Pic credit: Metro Gallery

If you thought that all that graffiti along the train lines was just kids wasting time, being destructive, you are just soooooo last century. This is art, baby, art.

Well, that's the point of view if you're a street artist/graffiti artist/urban artist - whatever you want to call yourself.

"Those kids tagging (leaving their signatures along the train lines) are creating their identity, and they're learning such skills as can control," one street artist told me recently. So tagging's the street artist's equivalent of the schoolkid's 'Goz woz 'ere' engraving on trees and desks, I guess.

Excitingly, Melbourne is currently hosting the only Australian exhibition of US street art poster girl Swoon (yes, they all have nicknames, as the same guy told me, who wants to sign themselves 'John'? Mind you, with a real name of Caledonia Dance Curry, she's got plenty to work with here.)

Swoon has been doing paste-ups in the US for the past decade - that's where she'll draw or block print something on paper and stick it up on a public wall, as opposed to getting out there with the aerosol cans. Her work is lyrical, feminine and very beautiful. In the gallery setting, it was sprinkled with gold and layered with stencils and paper collages. Much of the work was already sold before the exhibition opened, with the gallery's minions hopefully wielding red spot stickers. And to prove there's money in art, the most expensive piece (at the time unsold) was priced at $25,500.

She turned up in jeans, sneakers and a white painted singlet with a bumbag (yes, really), while Jeff Kennett, who I accidentally banged into, looked positively unhip in his suit with a floral-clad wife in tow.
Get in quick, the exhibition runs till just 3 March at Metro Gallery, 1214 High St, Armadale.

And if you'd like to see more Melbourne street art, click here for a pix from a walking tour I did recently through the CBD's laneways.

For a dip, drop and shop

2011-02-17T11:22:00.001+11:00

The pool is the lure and the cure on a bright Dubai morning.

When in doubt, go to Dubai. So what that it's 14 hours' flight from Australia.

FACT: the best way to cure pending jet lag is to jump straight off the plane and into a pool.

Click here to read more...

Hot to shop: Cairo

2011-02-08T06:20:00.008+11:00

In the printed media business, we work with interesting timings: to wit the publication of the Sun Herald's Hot to Shop: Cairo, just as the riots were taking hold, when shops were either closed against the demonstrations, or being forceably opened by looters.

As was said to me recently, it could have been worse: London's The Guardian published a story on Cairo for kids at the height of the demonstrations. Damn those long lead times!

Look on the bright side, travellers! Cairo is going to be dirt cheap in the coming months - if the government gets its act together. Having read the news reports about the French supermarket chain Carrefour being looted to blazes, I have to wonder what the looters really thought they'd do with all that weird foreign food: pesto, risotto, thai curry paste...

Well, if Queensland can mount an advertising campaign to lure back lost tourists after a swathe of natural disasters (floods, cyclones, more floods), why not Cairo? It may be a few weeks to early, but the Occidental Tourist likes to stay ahead of the pack.

So if you're heading for Egypt some time soon, here are my hot tips for the best shopping in the Victorious City, more...

Hot pants, chilled bourbon and an absence of ladyboys

2011-02-07T16:19:00.001+11:00

Worth the drama of getting here...

Bizarre sights on my recent Melbourne to Noosa (Qld) flight:

The couple opposite who have brought stubbie coolers on board with them to keep cold the Jim Beam & Coke they’ve ordered from the hostesses. Obviously seasoned Queenslanders.

The non-Japanese girl in denim hotpants, white knee-high socks and thongs. An over-enthusiastic exchange student?

And why the rush to the loo the moment the seat-belt sign is off? The flight was delayed 45 minutes – surely you’d address this while cooped up in the aircon-dripping extension at Melbourne Airport?

If only Jetstar took a leaf out of the instruction manual of a new Thai airline, which has hired six transsexuals as flight attendants in “'what they felt is an effort to promote an equal opportunity agenda for what they consider the ‘third sex’”, reports eTN travel news.

Flying (or not) with Jet (No)star

2011-01-31T11:19:00.000+11:00

About this time, people, I should be telling you what the weather is like in Noosa, in sunny Queensland. Apparently, it's sunny and 29. But all I can give you an eyewitness account for is Melbourne, where after yesterday's 40-degree scorcher, the mercury is climbing steadily...

When calling the airline to book to another flight, I was told the reason was 'operational difficulties'. And then I noticed on the website a little notice that says, "Flight times do not form part of your contract of carriage with us. The airline does not guarantee it will be able to carry you and your Baggage in accordance with the date and time of the flights specified."

Hello? This is an airline. A transport company. Their sole purpose is to get you from A to B. And yet they don't guarantee it.

Nice one, JetNostar.

So that's why the internet has been turned off in Cairo?

2011-01-26T14:04:00.000+11:00

...so that's why the internet has been turned off in Cairo?

'Remarkable scenes' at Cairo protests

Anti-government protests have broken out in Egypt after an internet campaign inspired by the uprising in Tunisia.
Thousands of protesters are marching through Cairo chanting anti-government slogans, after activists called for a "day of revolt" in a web message.
Riot police have tackled protesters in the capital, using tear gas to try to disperse them.

Further BBC reports say three have been killed in Cairo and Suez in the riots, which were organised via a Facebook page, which today had just under 20,000 supporters, a mere drop when you consider Cairo alone has a population of 20 million. But then, so many of those 20 million are unemployed, illiterate or not even registered with the state as being in existence. Mobile phones are, however, commonplace.

For those out of the ME loop, the demonstrations were inspired by similar riots last week in Tunisia, where the President Zine El Abidine Ben Ali, who has held power for 23 years, was finally ousted, sparked by scenes of citizens setting themselves on fire in protest over corruption that makes their lives unbearable.

In comparison, Egypt's president, Hosni Mubarak, has lead an army-supported rule since 1981, three decades that have seen him unshaken by elections that continue to return him with support in the high 90s percentile, belaying widespread opposition. Egypt was taking notes and has copied Tunisa's tactics, with people setting themselves alight daily: their actions of course blamed on mental health issues, rather than sheer desperation at their limited, and seemingly unchangeable lives.

Hosny, who is 83 this year and held together possibly only by sheer resolve, army support and a lot of black hair dye, presides over a country riddled with corruption, high unemployment (reflected in no way by the official figures) and sharply rising food prices.

I hate to be pessimistic, but general malcontent, however, seems doomed in the face of solid police and army support for the regime which has afforded these two institutions seemingly limitless powers over the decades since Hosni came to power. On his succession, he immediately put the country on a State of Emergency, following the assassination of his predecessor, Anwar Sadat, 30 years ago, and the ban has not been lifted since.

This is a big year for Egypt, as Hosny, dogged by ill health, hints he may step down, to be replaced by his son and career bureaucrat, Gamal, a move that must be undertaken while not endangering Egypt's considerable foreign aid support from the West. We can only hope for a peaceful resolution.

Fashion not the passion at the Aus Open

2011-01-24T18:42:00.002+11:00

Gilles Simon's flapping lime-green shorts.

January has to be the best month to visit Melbourne. Quite often, the sun is shining, birds are singing. There's cricket at the MCG, photography exhibitions along the river's edge, and, more importantly, The Tennis is on.

The Australian Open is the kick-off for a year of international tennis, and the streets are full of fans in various stages of sunburn, clad in sports paraphernalia and body paint, especially if you spot a herd of Croat guys, shirts off and bodies covered in elaborate red, white and blue heraldic flags.

The fashion is on the field, as well. Long black socks, pulled up to the knees (in 40-degree heat), are a definite statement at this year's tennis, the Williams sisters' outfits always are under heavy scrutiny, and it was a bit of a shock when French player Gilles Simon strutted his seemingly fragile little legs, clad in apple-green floppy shorts and shoes whose reflectors glittered and flashed as he dashed across the court, losing by the slimmest margin to Roger Federer the other night.

Riveting sports TV: Czech republic's Barbora Zahlavova
Strycova has a drink...

The fashion doesn't always inspire passion: my heart went out to the ballkids (who fetch towels and balls for the gods of world tennis). WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR CLOTHES? The poor kids. They run, jump, slide and watch attentively, and their reward? To be clad in the nastiest bile yellow, teamed with shorts in a soft 80s grey, which does nothing for anybody. Add to this the bright blue centre court and the TV lighting, which turns white skin tones to a muted canary yellow, and it's a visual dog's bowl out there.

Bright ballboys.

Thank god the tennis was so good (though seeing the perpetually sullen Australian child-woman Jelena Dokic defeated once again by a unseeded, thigh-strapped and strapping Czech, Barbora Zahlavova Strycova, made no-one happy).

In the subsequent men's singles match, the crowd called out between points: 'Allez Simon!' or 'G'arn Fedo!' (Federer has a loyal Australian following), as the crowd munched on $6 bags of Maltesers to keep its strength up during the five hours of tennis.

The ever-dapper Federer changed his shirt twice during the five sets of tennis, whipping it off quickly and discreetly. The ever-watching cameras and crowd were always ready, wolf-whistles ringing out across the stadium whenever they spotted a glimpse of flesh. Well, it's not every day you get to whistle a man who has earned $61 million in tennis alone (not counting, of course, his lucrative advertising gains).

Great Melbourne CBD cafes

2011-01-17T18:40:00.001+11:00

Following on from the last post about great Melbourne cafes, I couldn't find an up-to-date definitive list of fab, new CBD cafes, so I made one, with a little help from my friends. Feel free to add your own...

Bon a Manger, 387 Little Bourke St (modelled on London's Pret a Manger),

Tuckshop, 500 Bourke St, opened by cafe maestro and St Ali owner Salvatore Malatesta,

Cup of Truth, Degraves St subway (reportedly run by ex Vue de Monde guys)

Clem's Island, on an island in the Yarra, via the Flinders St Station-Southbank walkway (no, I have no idea either, but will let you know if I ever find it).

65 Degrees, 309 Exhibition St, opened in Feb last year, the name refers allegedly to the perfect temp for coffee milk.

And further afield, the Age's round-up of the best 2010 openings are: Monk Bodhi Dharma (Balaclava), Omar and the Marvellous Coffee Bird (worth it for the name alone - heavens knows where Gardenvale is...), the Social Roasting Company (Flemington), Three Bags Full (Abbotsford, which I've been threatening to stagger down to for two months now), Nabiha (Moonee Ponds), Sonido! (Fitzroy), Dr Jekyll (St Kilda), the Premises (Kensington) and Coin Laundry (Armadale).

I'm also throwing Sydney icon Campos in there (144 Elgin Street Carlton) and Naked for Satan (285 Brunswick St, Fitzroy) because I like the name and the cheap pinxtos and De Clieu (Gertrude St, Fitzroy) is on the list for its owners' immaculate coffee pedigree.

And FYI hardened addicts, the winners of the Victorian Barista Championships, held last weekend, were: (winner) Caleb Pohcanski from roaster Five Senses, (second) Matt Perger from roaster and cafe Market Lane, in Prahran Market and (third) Erin Sampson from roasters Veneziano.

Coffee, rain and hair straighteners; Bourke St's got it all

2011-01-13T14:16:00.000+11:00

I was catching up with a recently ex-Sydney coffee fiend in the CBD today, so thought I'd better take him somewhere that flashes Melbourne's serious coffee expertise. A truly great cafe in the CBD? Some would sneer that doesn't exist, and that I should head for Carlton, Fitzroy or South Melbourne. Online searches drew a blank up the Spring St side of town, so I gave up and thought I'd see what I found on the way, hoping for inspiration.

Through the near-blinding rain that has been a feature of Australia's eastern seaboard these past few weeks, I walked down the top (ie Paris end) of Bourke St and had a mild revelation.

How could I have forgotten: tiny little Von Haus (good for cosy evenings and slices of lemon tart, 1 Crossley St), Mess Hall (outside tables great in the sunshine, not so great for asthma sufferers, 51 Bourke St) and Pellegrini (allegedly Melbourne's oldest espresso bar, fine for mama's slap-up pasta, but I've found the espresso bitter in the past, 66 Bourke St). I wandered past boho Lane's Edge (39 Bourke St) and then clocked Society (23-29 Bourke St), which has dwelt in my subconscious only as a place for great cocktails.

It being a 10.30am catch-up, it might have been a little early for Flaming Lamborghinis, but it was the best looking interior in the street, and not too crowded, so I pulled 'George' (whose name has been changed to preserve his identity) into a black-velvet booth and we ordered coffee.

Now, I'm not mainlining that much caffeine at the mo, but when I gets it, I want a hit - and am a little bit past being served a soupcon of latte for $4, so I asked the grey ponytailed waiter (think Byron, rather than Byron Bay) for the biggest coffee on board. He said they all come in the regular cup or a larger mug. A mug o your finest flat white, then, please sir.

Reader, he turned up with a satisfyingly large bucket. George, a raging addict who'd been inhaling coffee since the early morn, had a regular skinny latte. And it was good. Not bitter, not too milky, a touch of chocolate. George even got another one to go, so he could keep his caffeine levels up on the way back to the office. It was the old-school Lygon St roaster, Dimattina. Bonus points for the ladies' loo, which features a $2 hair straightener to iron your locks turned lank on humid days like today. Too fabulous.

Revenge of the weather lords

2011-01-11T18:13:00.002+11:00

It hit 30 degrees on the weekend here in Melbourne. Right. Well, that's summer out of the way then.

And with the end of summer comes the end of holidays. On the first week's struggle back at work for many people, I am delighted by the response from one PR (that's public relations person, to those on the know - as a rule, overpaid punters who turn blind at this journalist's requests) who I emailed for a price for a hotel to run in a travel story. I asked last week. Silly me. I forgot that even non-Christian countries delight in the holidays that Christmas affords. "I just got back from a long break. I will get back to you shortly," he told me for his week-long silence, obviously still stunned at his misfortune to find himself in the walls of an office once again. At least he's honest.

But really, I shouldn't moan about the weather. I could be up to my armpits in sludgy brown flood water, with swimming cows and snapping crocodiles floating down the main street - to wit poor, soggy Queensland at the moment.

Yet Melbourne, I have to say I'm disappointed you, turning on today's sporadic rain, grey skies and general morbidity in mid-January. But then sometimes, you get your priorities right. A quick trip into the city while the definitive grudge sport, the Australia v England cricket series, the Ashes, was on, and the streets were full of smug, boozy, benevolent English people. On the tram, an older Englishman gave me his seat, saying, "I don't normally do so, but I'm feeling quite happy today." Reader, I took the seat.

While I'm not a cricket tragic, our drubbing was made worse by the fact it was done in mostly miserable weather, which would of course made our northern-hemisphere visitors more comfortable and therefore happier. Then, on the last day of the Melbourne series, the Aussie sun came out and did the job. The English fans were still understandably smug, but now they were at least sunburnt and smug ;) You takes your revenge where you can gets it...

Hot to Shop: Singapore

2011-01-10T17:06:00.001+11:00

The joke goes that Singapore is the only shopping mall that's been admitted into the UN.

Tiny Singapore's shopping is defined by Orchard Road: 2.2km of malls that are linked by sub-subterranean passages, skybridges and subway tunnels so that you can actually visit the city and breathe only air-conditioned oxygen.

But would you really want to?

Get in touch with your inner sweater and hit the streets of Kampong Glam (I loved it before I visited, purely for the name alone), the back streets of Chinatown and pumping Little India.

To read more, click here! You know you want to...

Shark el-Sheikh: a fishy tale

2011-01-02T23:25:00.003+11:00

This is so weird, even by Egyptian standards, that I have to share...

The beach resort of Sharm el-Sheikh, on Egypt's Sinai peninsula, is famed for its diving and snorkelling, wide beaches and high temps. But there has been a snake in paradise, or more specifically, a large shark, which has been terrorising tourists. The score stands at: oceanic whitetip shark 5 (4 injured, 1 killed), humans 0.

The Lovely Andrew sent through a link to an Austrian site quoting the governor of Sinai, Mohamed Abdel Fadil Shousha, who says locals reckon the Israeli intelligence agency, Mossad "put the murderous shark in the water to damage Egyptian tourism. [It is an idea that] cannot be ruled out."

The Accidental Tourist loves a good conspiracy theory, but notes that the Sinai peninsula is flooded with Israeli tourists taking advantage of Egypt's limping pound, and flock there for cheap sun holidays.

But wait, there's more, as MCN dropped this little link in my lap from Macedonia Online which states that the shark has since been assassinated by a Serbian tourist, dubbed Shark El Sheikh and now the new hero of Egypt.

While the hero himself, Dragan Stevic, was at the time too drunk to remember what actually happened, his friend Milovan reports that “Dragan climbed on the jumping board, told me to hold his beer and simply ran to jump. There was no time for me to react or to try to stop him, he just went for it.” He jumped, he hit the water, and complained it was too shallow, but in fact had actually landed on the shark's head, killing it instantly. Who says drinking is bad for you?

Surprisingly, the Egyptian press didn't run the story, which has since turned out to be a gory hoax, complete with fake pic: apparently this plankton-eating basking shark was snapped in the US, not Egypt.

PS: sorry for the silence over December - this was lurking in drafts for toooo long. Happy New Year all!

Jacarandas and moody blues

2011-01-02T23:00:00.000+11:00

"BALFOUR Street, New Farm?" asks the airport bus driver. "Are you sure? There used to be a real rough, scuzzy backpackers' down there."

"No, really. There's a new hotel and it's supposed to be quite swish," I assure him. The rest of the minibus has its ears open, so it's with a flourish the garrulous driver pulls up in front of the wide verandahs of an urbane-looking Queenslander and declares: "Well, that's a turn-up for the books. Not bad looking at all."

click here to read more about Spicers Balfour, in Brisbane. Yes, Brisbane.

2011-01-01T12:46:00.001+11:00

Best wishes for 2011, wherever you find yourself in this wonderful world!

Why phones are the new fire

2010-12-08T09:35:00.001+11:00

Because my Blackberry can't take pix to save itself,
here's what The Age saw...

In the last century, it used to be said that television was the new fire - in that we all crowd around it to stare into its depths, mesmerised by the flickering light. Let me suggest that for this century, the new fire is the mobile phone.

I came to this realisation via two separate events - the first was while sludging through the mire of technicality associated with downloading tv programs onto your mobile, a genius invention that lets you further screw your eyesight on the tram to work, watching Two and a Half Men, because you haven't got enough of Charlie Sheen, even though, anywhere in the world, at any given moment, some lazy network is playing a three-hour back-to-back marathon of hackneyed repeats.

The second time I realised that mobiles are the new fire is at a U2 concert last week. Bono and the boys were in fine form - before the concert, Amnesty was taking petitions through the crowd, collecting signatures for more public toilets in Nairobi (althoug I suggest such unmonitored spaces are ripe picking grounds for Nairobi's thriving mugging scene, but then I stayed in hotels there, with toilets aplenty). Then, during the concert, Bono made a reference to the newly released Burmese leader, Aung Sang Suu Ky and the world AIDS epidemic.

To capture the moment and our hearts, he asked the 60,000-strong crowd for a minute's silence and to raise our mobiles on high. I'm tellin' ya: once, at concerts, it used to be candles, then cigarette lighters. Now phones.

Feed me, Portuguese

2010-11-26T21:16:00.004+11:00

You can end up in a world of pain, trying to be authentic in an ethnic restaurant. Try, for example, lunch yesterday in Madeira restaurant in suburban Melbourne, a Portuguese restaurant, if the name didn't give it away. Actually, we were there to talk about the former Portuguese colony, Macau, off the coast of mainland China, so ethnicity was the name of the game.

My only true desire was for the pasteis de nata, the egg tarts for which Portugal is famous, so it was with glee I learned of the new delights of the espetada, a vertical skewer hanging from a frame, which is brought to the table, the juices from the marinated meat dripping into the rice or potatoes heaped below. Embroiled in a dinner-party war? A few of these puppies slung on the table and you'd totally win.

In the name of authenticity, we said no to the kangaroo espetada, but went for beef, lamb, chicken and, er barramundi (there was no Portuguese cod). All's well.

Would you like entrees, perhaps? asked the waitress. Ah, no thanks, we said, patting our waistlines. Not even Portuguese chorizo (grilled, spicy sausage)? said the canny saleswoman. Well, ok then. Since we're in a going local.

And bread? I think we're fine. Not the traditional Maderian garlic bread, bolo do caco, which we make inhouse? Oh, we must have that, if it's Maderian.

And come dessert time, the tarts were on order, except for one non-sweet-eater, who declined any dessert, ordering just an espresso.

Wouldn't sir like a brandy with that? The table witnessed the mildly sheepish grin of the man who'se already tried the Portuguese beer, the slightly carbonated Portuguese white wine, and is planning to return to the office for the afternoon. No thanks.

Oh, says the waitress. All Portuguese men finish with a short black coffee and a Portuguese brandy.

The table does the hard sell for her. Go on, we all encourage Mr Non-Dessert. He relents and declares the imported brandy 'actually very good'.

It just proves the old adage learned long ago when I was cutting my teeth in design magazines: say it in French (or in this case, Portuguese) and it always sounds better.

28 Nov 2010: As a coda to this piece, written a few days ago, I notice a euro-bureaucrat saying recently that to haul itself out of its crippling economic blues, "the Portuguese are going to have to find a way to make things that other countries want to buy from them".

Enter the espetada.

Aqui e, Europe's financial woes solved!

Hot to shop: Dubai

2010-11-25T09:58:00.000+11:00

33C outside, -4 inside at Ski Dubia, in the Mall of the Emirates

In the US, they'd ask 'do you want fries with that?' In Dubai, they ask, 'do you want the world's largest aquarium/tower/shopping mall with that?'

You'd think Dubai might have tempered its outlook after being ravaged by the global financial crisis, but no. It's still got a one-way ticket to Hubris Central.

Spotted in the malls: Jimmy Choo's collaboration with the Ugg boot, a Versace cafe (serving Illy coffee) and the world's longest street of watch stores.

For record-breaking, up-to-the-second shopping, it's all here. Click to read the full story here

Singapore's new groove

2010-11-22T11:36:00.000+11:00

It's a country built on shopping malls, where chewing gum is illegal and nerdism is in, so the brief was to find the new, hip, not-necessarily-so-shiny Singapore.

Doing the research, it was tough, people, tough. The travel brochures would advertise traditional Singaporean cuisine "now off the streets and in a shiny, hygienic compound", which for some says 'no salmonella' but for those of us blessed with cast-iron constitutions, says tickets, queues and compulsory fun.

IT'S on the drive from Changi Airport that I see the bumper sticker, catchcheatingspouse.com.sg. Hmmm, perhaps Singapore isn't as staid as I've been led to believe.

To read more, click here...

Hot to shop: Seoul

2010-11-17T10:07:00.004+11:00

They call it Planet Korea, and the bizarre north Asian capital, Seoul, is regularly written up in the world's big newspapers of the day for its new design focus and old culture.

I would never have found my way through Seoul's insane shopping scene without pro-shopper Joey, my Seoul sister Fee and a large dose of sheer luck.

It's a game of hide and seek, and you shall find, in a labyrinth of old markets and modern malls.

You can shop for fashion till 4am, and grab breakfast in the markets while waiting for them to open all over again. With almost no English signs or language spoken, and street cred achieved only by doing the whole shopathon in 9-inch heels, this is not a scene for novices. We can but try...

To read the latest Hot to Shop, click here

CPI: the cappucino index

2010-11-16T18:14:00.004+11:00

According to the most CPI (that's Cappuccino Price Index to you), Brisbane has the most expensive coffee in the country.

A cuppa will set you back on average $3.31 compared with $3.22 in Melbourne and $3.06 in Sydney.

This tidbit cropped up while I was shooting an Obama blend ('yes we can!') espresso in the new Campos cafe in Melbourne.

Campos originally started in Sydney's capital of grunge, Newtown, and the Brisbane cafe recently was named Australia's 2010 best coffee, according to Lifestyle Channel viewers... so if you know and trust a LC watcher, then you'd better make tracks to the Valley in BrisVegas.

The Melbourne staff delighted in showing off The Slayer ("How do you spell that?" "You know, like the American band") a new-style espresso machine from the US that costs $23,000 and there are only 15 in Australia so far.

Despite the Slayer's best efforts, I realised I'm not an espresso girl anymore, but I'd go back to 144 Elgin St, in Carlton for another of their creamy piccolo lattes. They're pitching against some serious heavyweights (think St Ali in South Yarra, Seven Seeds on the other side of Carlton), but you know what they say about Melburnians - three or more standing together and someone'll wheel an espresso machine by...

Feeling the love (or not) in Dubai's rarified air

2010-11-07T23:17:00.000+11:00

“No kissing or overt displays of affection,” warns a sign on Dubai Mall’s glass doors. “Please wear respectful clothing. For example, shoulders and knees should be covered,” it adds. The world’s largest shopping mall is a rarefied environment, and can afford to be choosy.

The day I visited, the ground level was a mass of screaming, writhing school children from what looked like a very privileged local international school. The food court (Nandos etc all) was packed and tourists – many with their shoulders and knees well and truly uncovered – were queuing impatiently to go up the world’s tallest tower, the Burj Khalifa, set to one side of Dubai Mall.

Yet go one floor up, and it’s a serene scene of sheiks sipping lattes in the Armani/Dolce café or next door at its rival Fauchon café. The clients here hadn’t been dosing themselves in duty-free perfume. These guys own their own bottles, and the dishdashas (men’s robes) were sparkling white, their wives in chic black abayyas with seriously big, dyed hair making their heads appear disproportionately large beneath beautifully swathed scarves, eyes black with expensive cosmetics.

We popped into the Armani hotel, also linked to the mall, to be harangued by a man hired surely for his cheekbones alone. He stared icily at our non-designer gear, eyebrows almost making his St Tropez tanned brow move when he saw Parisian cigar journalist Philippe’s leather sandals. Quelle horreur! We had a chat, a perfect coffee and some gold-studded chocolates before being carefully ushered past the anaemic, anorexic Russian girls splayed artfully around the foyer and back outside.

Armani, all was nearly lost, redeemed only by Eli, an Armani lifestyle manager. Some might call him a concierge. Or a butler, even. But no, this is Armani, so he’s a lifestyle manager. He spilled the good oil on the US$800/night hotel, with its American satin walls, Canadian marble, Ivory Coast wood and Spanish stone. “There are no mirrors, no paintings. The walls themselves are pieces of art,” he told us. They surely must have mirrors in the staffroom so our first icy host could practice his little moue of discontent.

Cunning Philippe pulled out his broken pen to make notes, knowing full well Eli would offer him his Armani pen, which turned out to be plastic. Functional, but still plastic. An elegant shrug of his Armani-clad shoulders, all was forgiven, and we trotted off once again into the melee of Dubai shopping.

Tom's in town and speed's hit the fan

2010-11-05T08:29:00.000+11:00

It's all go here in Dubai. Time Out Dubai was gossiping about him only last week, then suddenly, the front page of the Khaleej Times is splashed with Tom Cruise hanging off the side of a building, shooting Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.

Tom was back on the front page the next day, learning how to balance a falcon on his arm, his teacher His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice-President and Prime Minister of the UAE and Ruler of Dubai (whew!)

I too went up Burj Khalifa, world's tallest building, today. They wouldn't let me hang off any ropes. It was all strictly controlled. You know, I'm not a real 'tallest building' kinda girl, as demonstrated by my apathy for the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur recently. It's all just so obvious. The buildings are, kinda tall.

Burj Khalifa, which used to be called Burj Dubai until Dubai ran out of cash and had to suck up to its rich but daggy bro, Abu Dhabi, to bail it out with a new name, is 828 meters high. Its closest rival is not even close...Toronto's CN Tower, at 553m.

At the base of the tower is, of course, the gift shop where you can buy 'At the Top' branded t-shirts, clocks and branded scented candles (of course. I wonder what they smelt like. High? Haha.)

The lift took a minute to shoot up to the observation deck, travelling about 36km/hour. My ears popped three times on the way up and I lost count on the way down.

The view from the top was extreme. It shows a city gouged out of the desert, where a forest of metal and glass buildings is coated with a layer of dust, the desert sands threatening to take back what once was theirs.

I'd show you my pix, but I left my download cable at home. Uhhhhhgggggg!

Travelling 14 hours just for you, Bryan Adams

2010-11-03T06:35:00.002+11:00

Straight off the plane and into the rooftop pool...

It took four people to get me off the aircraft and to the hotel: the woman to meet me and take my passport and rush me through customs, the baggage man, the hotel rep to say hello and the driver, whose white Lincoln shussssssshed down the near-empty highway on 114km/hour.

"The speed cameras pick you up if you're above 115, 120," the driver explained as my brain tried to catch up after the 14-hour flight from Melbourne to Dubai. "Not like the Dubai-Abu Dhabi road, where they don't catch you till you exceed 180."

Luckily at this time the smooth roads were quiet, and the early morning light catching the construction cranes, illuminating roadside portraits of stern sheiks and glinting off Burj Khalifa, pointing like a dagger in the distance.

My hotel, the new Pullman, is in the massive Mall of the Emirates. Take a lift to the first floor and walk into shopping hysteria.

The mall's soundscape ranged between the call to prayer echoing throughout and Bryan Adams, played a few tasteful moments after prayers. FYI, iPads are no cheaper than in Australia, and the shops are stocked with grey and black knits, as Dubai goes into its long, dreary winter (think: Melbourne winter, but shorter, drier and about 20 degrees warmer). Temps today: a pre-set 20.5C in my hotel room, 33C out in the sunshine.

Carpets, gold and pink champagne: Dubai, I'm coming...

2010-11-01T21:57:00.001+11:00

Melbourne's Emirates airline lounge is a sea of caramel leather, with bottles of pink Moet on the buffet, alongside bottles of pink Verve, if you're a champagne snob. The dates have had their stones removed so you won't crack your priceless dentures, and it's all just so... soothing.

The lounge is a nice intro to Dubai, which seems to have shrugged off last year's GFC (is it just me or does that acronym remind anyone else of KFC?) and is powering ahead, with yet more celebrity chefs looking for a space to hang their shingle, where champagne brunches are all the current rage, and in true Emirates style, if you don't have a beach, build one.

I'm checking the US dollar rate, the dirham exchange rate and, frighteningly, the current gold rate. Gold and carpets: people, this could prove expensive...

The recipe for world peace? Choux pastry and mangoes

2010-10-27T10:30:00.001+11:00

"Hip Brisbane?" said a friend who'd grown up in Brissy in the 60s. "Visit first, then try to convince me."

If she'd spend just a couple of hours with me this morning, she may have started to relent. The hotel, Spicer's Balfour, is a nine-room Queenslander (painted weatherboard with wide verandas, a rooftop bar and open-air reception) in New Farm with views across to the Story Bridge and into the back yards of the neighbours, which I love. To paraphrase George Negus, I'm a suburban perv.

Yesterday, I ate lunch at a nearby cafe, the Little Larder, then found I'd left my wallet behind. "No worries," said the sparky girl serving me. "Just pop in tomorrow!" So I did, and at 8am, the cafe, on a relatively quiet street, was full with a happy buzz of Wednesday morning breakfasters. Who breakfasts out on a Wednesday morning? Brisbanites, it would appear.

And then I swung past Chouquette, which has been turning out the butteriest, Frenchest pastries since before it opened at 6.30 this morning. The smell, people, is a scent to inspire you to write poetry, solve cryptics and create world peace.

Just $1.50 bought me a little bag of chouquettes, sweet little balls of cream puff, rolled in pearl sugar, for a crunch in the mouth. My snack bag of dried fruits has been slung into the dark recesses of my suitcase. Again, this cafe had a scattering of regular patrons sipping milky coffee and buying fresh olive batons - so lucky to have such a gem in their neighbourhood.

The mood in these little streets is relaxed, the scent is of gardenias, jasmine and freshly baked bread, the spring temps are perfect. If 'hip' meant feeling angst, wearing black and not eating fresh mango for breakfast, then give hip the heave. I'll take New Farm (not New York).

Hot to shop: Kuala Lumpur

2010-10-22T09:33:00.000+11:00

Photo: the bewilderingly fabulous mall, Suria KLCC.
Photo: AFP & Sun Herald

Malaysians have two great loves: eating and shopping. Sometimes you could flip that around to shopping and eating.

Either way, the capital, KL, is truly fabulous for a shopover, especially if you're a mall fiend.

Smell the fakes, snap up the bargains then advance to genuine designer talent. Click here to read the full story...

Madly Hatted, Richard does Melbourne

2010-10-13T16:40:00.001+11:00

Where did you get that hat? Why, it's a Richard Nylon, of course. Undeniably, marvelously kooky, the milliner Mr Nylon is hot property right now.

Of course, it's Cup season. That's the Melbourne Cup to those not in the know.

When I was a schoolkid in Queensland, our teachers would nick off to the staffroom to have a glass of cheap sparkling wine and a fag and throw a few bets on the horses, or we'd even have a sweep in the classroom. The state of Victoria was on holiday.

Now, it's just the city of Melbourne that gets a holiday so it can drink champagne and bet on the horses.

Mostly, we watch the race on TV, but one year I went down to Flemington racecourse to mingle with the rest of the great unwashed. I remember the statistic: 80,000 people drank 100,000 litres of champagne and sparkling wine. Not a bad effort, people.

The reason for this post is that some of Richard's wildest hats are on display in Melbourne's Langham Hotel during the racing season, so I popped in to check them out and to meet the man himself. The hotel was, incidentally, also celebrating the opening of its Seafood Altar. All worship the humble lobster? My kinda bash.

If you were craving hat tips for the season, I can share a few of Richard's gems:

Asymmetrical hats work best because asymmetry is dynamic and, let's face it, our faces are asymmetrical. And if you're going to tilt the hat, tilt over the right eye.
Never wear a hat that's wider than your shoulders, ESPECIALLY if you're short! You're going to end up buffeted by other people all day. If you're an Amazon standing over six feet six, do whatever you like, with your head up in those clouds.
Hats need stronger make-up, so don't be afraid to lash on the slap, or be washed out by a hat with more personality than your face.

And hats aren't just for the ladies. "Women talk to a man wearing a hat," says Richard, encouragingly. "Hats should be whimsical, a talking point, and fabulous from all angles. Hats are meant to be seen in 3D."

So ditch that skanky fascinator made from chook feathers, slap on a hat and let's smash the piggy bank and make for the TAB!

(Translation: get real, get a decent hat, throw away your feathered headpiece, and let's bet all our savings on a horse that has a snowflake's chance in hell of winning.)

Bromance in the park

2010-10-12T17:47:00.000+11:00

Photo: Eddie Jim, Sun Herald

So I've taken time out from making rhubarb and apple crumble with neon-red rhubarb from someone else's garden to do some work. Yes, really. Finally, a review of the fabulous Middle Park Hotel has appeared in the Sun Herald - if you're looking for Melbourne digs without effete pretention.

Bon Scott is on the walls and sausage sarnies on the menu at this paean to blokedom in inner Melbourne. Does that give you an idea of what it's like?

Click here to read the full review... you know you want to.

http://www.smh.com.au/travel/accommodation-reviews/bromance-in-the-park-20101007-169cq.html

The great outdoors

2010-10-05T18:07:00.000+11:00

An escarpment in the Kimberley.
Photo: Belle Jackson

Is it, like, circuitous meeja navel-gazing when media commentators start blogging on other media, only for other bloggers then to blog them? Praps, but if you're not in the loop re: all things glossy magazinesque, we're talking about the fact the buffest little gardener, our own Jamie Durie, has finally launched his own magazine.

Yes, the man muscle who made the Chippendales (not to be confused with the Chipmunks) a household name, who is Friend of Oprah and Australia's authority on paving and water-free gardens, now comes to you via The Outdoor Room with Jamie Durie, the magazine, which hit newsstands last week.

Publish Post

Ok, so I'm going to 'fess up to having a vested interest, having written for the which is why I'm going to post you a review of the mag that appeared on the funkiest little blog around, Girl with a Satchel. The only bit you need to know is the super-slim reference to Kimberley escarpment photographs (Here's one). Thank you, GWAS :)

Game On! A guide to Delhi

2010-09-27T17:30:00.000+10:00

Just in case you are going to Delhi this week for the Commonwealth Games and oh, don't have accommodation, or even a singular clue about the city, here's a quick guide for the completely clueless. If you've been too busy to think about it because you've been practising your lawn bowls technique, we salute you, and good luck!

Where to stay, shop, eat and play.

click here!

Pic credit: Reuters & Sun-Herald

Lattes all round at Naked for Satan

2010-09-24T10:36:00.000+10:00

Can you choose a cafe just because you like the name?

If so, a newcomer to Fitzroy's Brunswick St should pack 'em in, with the catchy name, 'Naked for Satan'. Let's try it.

'Hey groover, let's get to Naked for Satan for skinny lattes!'

Yeah, it works. The coffee's not bad, either. And the $2 pintxos (that's mini-tapas, for you down the back who haven't been paying attention) looked super scrummy as well, featuring healthy-sized chunks of bread layered with jamon or cheeses, and rows of glistening green olives, each dish spiked with a toothpick.

Proving it's not trying to lure the mum's clubs (ooh, nasty!), it doesn't open till midday and there's a refreshing absence of large, tasteless muffins, with just one sweet on offer, a groovy little three-bite chocolate-cream cannoli that won't have your skinny girlfriends angsting too much.

Open just four weeks, it also serves vodka (but we were talking business yesterday) and apparently the go with the pintxos is you grab as many as you like, and count your toothpicks at the end to tote up the bill.

Cheap, tasty, fresh Spanish food? That'll give those money-hungry CBD big names a boot in the pantalones.

Naked for Satan, 285 Brunswick St, Fitzroy, 9416 2238

Cleopatra's dress bound to be a hit

2010-09-23T10:39:00.000+10:00

The Egyptians in the crowd will love this: it's a dress by Scottish designer Holly Fulton, which Cool Hunter has picked up in its current edition. It's all very Cleopatra isn't it?

Speaking of Egyptians, a friend from Cairo popped into St Kilda last week and saw one of the buildings on the foreshore swathed in a massive red, white and black flag.

Oh, they really love Egyptians here, he said.

No, that'll be the St Kilda football club's colours, before the big game this weekend. Nice try, tho.

The magpie and the tiger

2010-09-20T13:35:00.001+10:00

Working through a Seoul shopping story today, I came across some notes about a reproduction of a famous Korea story about a magpie and a tiger, from the Joseon period.

In mythology, the maggie is a bringer of news from the gods, and the tiger is said to bring blessings and exorcise disaster.

I love the stylised tiger, with his big round eyes, and the fact a humble, plain magpie can be elevated to messenger of the gods.

If you're visit the Gyeongbokgung Palace, nip into the gift shop to see some great bags printed with these classic paintings.

No doubt, here in Melbourne, fans of the Magpies (Collingwood) will be hoping the gods are on their side this weekend against the Saints for the AFL grand final!

Greenland on hold

2010-09-10T13:10:00.000+10:00

I should be winging my way to Toronto instead of sitting here blogging in rainy Melbourne, dammit.

The plan was to cruise the Artic circle on the Clipper Adventurer, but I'm not going anymore because my ship hit a rock. Happily, no-one was hurt, but the ship won't be repaired in time for our polar cruise to go ahead.

Next report from the Mornington Peninsula's Safety Beach, instead of Greenland...

http://www.smh.com.au/travel/travel-news/cruise-ship-stranded-in-the-arctic-20100830-13z9e.html

Hot on the phone in Seoul

2010-09-09T11:51:00.001+10:00

I was having a fight with Optus yesterday about my overdue phone bill. I had queries about it and they said 'why didn't you ring earlier?' Because I was in Seoul, I said.

South Korea, like Japan, doesn't sing from the same hymn sheet as the rest of us. Their phones are predominantly non-GSM, running instead on CDMA technology (isn't this the technology that Australia just turned off so we could all go digital? Any illumination welcomed.).

So instead of wrestling with my Australian phone and gladly offering my bank account up, lock stock to Optus, I hired a phone at the airport from one of the line of phone companies set up at the exit doors.Not just a SIM card to slip into my phone, but the whole shebang.

When I got the phone, it was so clunky and old, I wanted to put a bumper sticker on it saying something like, "My other phone is a Blackberry." Incidentally, out of all the Koreans and expats I met, they were all trucking god-ugly phones: mostly clam shells. (Toooo early naughties!) And this in a country where something like 95% of the population has a mobile phone, and the home of Samsung and LG.

The international wires say that smartphones have been slow on the take-up due to lack of mobile apps and the high cost of the technology. The cynic in my head says keeping the government is keeping the non-Korean brands out of town. Can anyone else smell the non-competition rat here?

2010-09-01T23:09:00.005+10:00

My enduring image of Seoul is not its elegant Joseon palaces, neon signs or pretty traditional houses, but legs.

Legs, legs, legs.

Seoul, like much of Asia, is currently in the grip of a fashion obsession where short shorts are teamed with the highest heels - wedges or stilettos, whatever you can totter on.

Little Korean girls have, collectively, shot up overnight at least three inches, and will wade through rainy puddles, in sweltering humidity and even brave the unseasonable chill wind, bearing legs to the elements in the name of fashion.

Damn it if I can't find a photo to show you!

Hooker Hill in the foreign enclave of Itaewon is, however, the first time I’ve seen cleavage in Seoul - and then it’s a pumped-up girl working it for the money. Tall transvestites laze on chaise lounges till the late-night rush hour, while buzz-cut off-duty US soldiers chase each other among the traffic, banging on car bonnets as they dodge through the taxis, laughing at their freedom. The Military Police move through the crowds, negotiating peace. The foreign tourist do last-minute shopping amongst the leather and large-sized branded sportswear shops.

Itaewon is where the restaurant strip sees Persian kebab houses face French patisseries, Thai restaurants and euro wine bars. There’s KFC and Burger King, Korea’s own bibimbap holes in the wall and roast chicken carts. Midnight fruit sellers and Cuban cigar convenience stores, bands blaring and clubs beating.

Bars, bands, GIs and girls, it's down the road from the gay strip, Homo Hill. It’s the Kings Cross of Seoul, it’s the city’s foreign heart.

Things I just don’t get about Malaysia

2010-09-01T15:59:00.001+10:00

No kissing in taxis (see explanatory picture).

The B.U.M. Equipment clothing range. For men, women and children. Er, market research, anyone?

The Petronas towers. Yeah, they’re big man. Ok, they’re real big. And that’s really about it. No cure for cancer or the common cold. They’re. Just. Big. Call me a killjoy, I don’t care.

The fact the population is just 1.6 million (with surrounds, 7 million). "Melbourne looks so small after KL," said the Kiwi in front of me as we flew into Melbourne lat night.

Clearly, her eyes were painted on. Or perhaps that we were flying at the time over the desolate northern suburbs, where the highest point is the VideoEzy store. Or it's just that when we think of Asian cities, we think of megapolises. KL's population is dwarfed by Melbourne, which recently topped four million.

KL's a young city, too, with Chienese settlers dropping in to mine tin in the 1850s, relative to Melbourne's founding in 1835.

However, I notice that we both now have Chinese language directions at both airports, so we're not so dissimilar after all, eh?

China in transit

2010-08-31T03:58:00.000+10:00

Killing time at Beijing airport with delays, I offer you a sample of today’s headlines in the English-language China Daily:

Street food blamed for cholera outbreak.

Hand-washing practices urged for professionals.

A birthday cake for six-year old pandas Yuan Yuan and Tuan Tuan

And a story entitled “Smaller penalties for breaking family planning rules”, which states that parents should register extra births past their one-child policy before the upcoming census, and as a result, will face minimal fines. In the past, the fines have been nine times the average annual income.

The newspaper states that last year, around 100,000 babies were born in Beijing, and these ‘illegal’ newborns do not get citizenship.

[PS I would have posted this earlier, but my connection in Beijing mysteriously times out when I try to access not only Facebook but also blogger.com. Go figure.]

Things I like about Changi airport

2010-08-25T01:39:00.001+10:00

Why I love Changi airport. Simply because the loo fits my luggage trolley in it. Singaporeans love their shopping and are happy to accommodate the trait in its visitors.

There are lollies on the desk of the customs clerk. I ask him if he eats them all day. “No,” he says. “Then I would be too sweet and nice to the passengers.”

The 24-hour GST refund desk and the Singaporean glam shoe company, Charles & Keith, with GST-free, sale-marked-down shoes right next door.

And the other thing I absolutely adore about Singapore? The fact my handbag gets its own seat, without question. And, to top that, when I go into a chilli crab restaurant, it not only gets its own seat, but has a cover draped over it so it’s not spattered with sauce. God, it sounds so uncool, but viva Singapore!

Early morning over Kuala Lumpur

2010-08-24T00:42:00.001+10:00

Flying over Kuala Lumpur before sunrise, the city of 1.8 million looks dark and empty. I’m having a flashback, oddly, to another time, arriving before dawn in a small Russian city, dumped off an overnight bus on an overpass on its outskirts.

Surprisingly, the Russian soldier who gets off the bus at the same lonely point speaks good English, and he becomes my guide. He is walking to war… The town’s train station is a major gathering point for fresh conscripts to be sent to Chechnya.

The closer we get to the station, the more the streets fill with young men with rough crew-cuts and ill-fitting uniforms, walking to war in plastic sandals, their cheap regulation boots slug over their shoulders. They eye my leather hiking boots with avarice.

My guide is older than most, at 28 he is educated and has a career. Yet he seems untouched by what is country is making him do. He’s neither excited nor angry nor afraid – just stoic. He says he knew he would have to go. His best friend went before him and is already dead.

As the taxi drives through palm gardens and terraces of ferns, the humid Malaysian air warming bones chilled by a Melbourne winter, it’s a strange memory to recall this morning. But who ever can control their memories?

A country drive: Kyneton exposed

2010-08-04T21:02:00.000+10:00

It's a town where the espresso consumption equates the population of 4300 people: surely 4300 espressos, macciatos, afogatos, cappucinos and lattes were dished up this weekend in Australia's most happing country town, Kyneton.

How groovy can one town be? The answer is: impossibly so. Cafes and galleries open at a rate of knots, yet there's still a tractor shop in the middle of the hip Piper Street strip. Gothic florists, truffle degustation dinners, lazy Sunday organic breakfast scenes and hideaway of celebrated chefs, designers, musicians and writers...amazing stuff.

There are two sides to the town: the High Street, where the burger shop is doing one with the lot and a can of coke for $8, Videoworld (for your viewing pleasure) and Best & Less is hidden out the back. At first sight, it appears there are more vets than doctors, but there's a hospital there too.

The other side is chic Pipers St, home of all those pumping cafes, pinot dinners and food from the Middle East, continental Europe, India and beyond. I would like to have shown you a photo, but it was bucketing down rain all weekend.

Every town has its own dark secret, and residents were more than happy to pull up a chair at a wooden table, put the tea pot down ... and spill. The broken hearts, street rivalry, the spooky-sounding Exclusive Brethren who appear to own the furniture shops stuffed with blue micro-fibre sofas and whose website spends much energy defending bad TV coverage.

Food, fury and fiefdoms...love it...

Friday night dinner

2010-07-29T16:44:00.000+10:00

A new national pasttime: abusing Asian tourists?

2010-07-27T16:30:00.000+10:00

What I did on my winter vacation: abused Asian tourists. Do you think this is a trend that'll take off?

So now I'm starting to sound like Tony Abbott (er, before the election campaign started), but let me explain...

Last week, a few of us toddled down to Phillip Island, just south of Melbourne, a little chunk of land that has been given over to growing penguins and kangaroos. Literally. We stopped in a wildlife park and spotted such delicious creatures as Tasmanian devils (notoriously bad tempered, anti-social creatures) and open grasslands where large kangaroos leapt up to you, frisking your pockets for food. There was also an area for koalas.

If you're reading this and unaware, koalas sleep for about 18 hours a day, and the rest of the time is spent eating leaves and mating. In all, a fairly uncomplicated lifestyle. Australian kids are brought up knowing they're not the most exciting animal. They don't sing, dance or beg to be patted. Mostly, they just sleep. Ok, so I'm trying to justify shouting at the tourists who were throwing pellets at the sleeping koalas, so they could get a better photo. Cranky? You bet.

It felt so good, I had another crack at some girls down at the penguin parade where, every night, hundreds of tiny penguins return from a day's fishing at sea to their burrows and mates. They are wild, so the wildlife service has built boardwalks so we can see them running home, undisturbed by a size 10 boot squishing them.

Visiting the penguins is so popular, the warnings not to take photos are repeated in a swag of languages, including Japanese and Chinese. If you're caught photographing the penguins, your camera is immediately confiscated by the wildlife rangers because the flash sends the penguins blind and they die because they can't catch fish. Simple, really. Except most of us can't turn off a flash, hence the blanket ban against cameras.

So why do people persist in trying??? Annoyingly, both times I had my little tantrums, the women apologiesed in perfect English. No excuses.

Hot to shop: Delhi

2010-07-26T12:55:00.001+10:00

Spices, silks, scarves and saris? Let the games begin.

Delhi is full of emporiums selling jewellery and scarves. Even I got bitten by Delhi's voracious auto-rickshaw drivers, who receive a commission from shops that they're keen to run you in to. Lucky they were dealing with someone who'd hardened their heart against the charms of cashmere, the glimmer of gold and the gazillion pretty dust collectors that Delhi merchants are dying to foist upon you.

However, I can recommend a place for a nice turban, in Amritsar... more